I Have Cancer

It's a pretty blunt way to put it, but there it is. I have cancer; Invasive Ductal Carcinoma or IDC for short. I'm still half-trying to wrap my mind around it. I don't know if I'm in denial, shut down, or what...but I haven't cried. It's very, very strange, because it was nearly 28 years ago that we found out my cousin had cancer. I remember at that time thinking to myself, "Okay. They know what's wrong; they'll go in, fix it, and it will be done." I am feeling largely the same way about my own cancer. It's a different type than my cousin had, of course, but cancer nonetheless. They'll go in, fix it, and be done. Kirstin asked me, "Are you going to die, mom?" "I'm not planning on it!" *smile* Becca refused to sip water out of my glass. "I don't want to catch cancer, mom!" "Becca, it's not contagious. You can't catch it, it's just something that happens." Chelsea has been spending a lot of time swinging, on the computer, and in the shower. Those are her coping mechanisms. Ben...like I said before (I think?), he's been telling everyone...neighbors, people in the grocery store, at work; that's his way. And, it's not as if it's a big secret any more. Silver Bay is a small town, and I love it. This is home and I'm so glad I moved back when I married David 20 years ago. I cannot count the numbers of offers of help, the comments, the support I've received just in the last 24 hours. It's absolutely amazing! I mean...I'm David's wife, my kids' mom...otherwise, I'm basically a hermit. But...wow!

I took Thumper down to the Vet's Home this morning, to see my dad and other residents. I have a rather interesting thought about that bunny. Thumper's run is very large; 8' x 3' x 2', and so if Thumper doesn't want to be caught, there's pretty much no way you're going to catch her, and normally, Thumper doesn't want to be caught. About a week ago, however, Thumper started wanting hugs and snuggles. I'd go over to talk to her, or to take care of her (and Cuddles, the other rabbit), and Thumper would come running. I'd pick her up and she'd snuggle right down; closing her eyes as I rubbed her cheeks, scratched her ears, and stroked her gloriously velvety fur. I really have to wonder if she knew something was going on. I suspect that she did. Thumper and I had a very nice visit with my mom and dad, with some of the residents, and staff. Again, so many people offered support, help, smiles, and words of encouragement. It really makes a world of difference and helps me to say positive and proactive.

One last note before I end this post; I ran across something really great, the other day, "God doesn't give you what he thinks you can handle; he helps you handle what you are given." Amen.