One down, One to go

One down...the radiologist yesterday, and one to go...the oncologist tomorrow. The radiologist appointment was interesting. I learned more about my cancer, for one thing. The cancer had broken through the ducts and had started to spread so it's really good that we caught it when we did. During surgery, almost 40 lymph nodes were removed from the right axial area, 17 from the left axial, and another 9 from behind the chest wall on the right, going up towards my neck. All but one of the right axial and chest wall nodes tested positive. I believe I already mentioned that, but what was "new" news, is that one of the chest wall nodes they removed was up by my neck, and that one had also tested positive. What this means as far as radiation, is that not only are my chest and axial areas going to be treated, they're also going to treat my neck.

Radiation will start a month after my last chemo treatment, and will be 5 days/week for 6.5 weeks. Kind of cool that I will be laying on an air pillow formed to my shape (okay, it only makes sense, eh? That way I won't be rolling around during treatment), and the machine will move around me. Each treatment will last for 15 minutes. So...for 6.5 weeks, I "get to" drive down to Duluth 5 days a week for a 15 minute appointment and then drive back home. Evidently, burning depends on how well a person normally does outside in the sun. I burn fairly easily (not as easily as some, though), so I can expect to have "sunburn" during/after treatment. I will be given different gels and cold packs to use on the burns. In addition, I was told that using a mixture of 50% water and 50% hydrogen peroxide on soft towels will help with burning, and cornstarch in the axial areas will help prevent pain of chafing etc.

One happy thing from yesterday's appointment is that I will be provided with a wig of my choosing at no cost, from the center's wig shop. I have decided to take my girls with when I pick out a wig, and they're the ones who will make the final decision. I just hope they don't decide to give me a purple mullet. Now that would not be a happy thing, eh? Funny, though :-) Blessings!

Ups and Downs and In Betweens

Since my last post there've been some ups and downs and...yea. I actually got out of the house for a while, one day, and it wasn't for a doctor's appointment. Yay! We went out to drop off a load of junk, then went to the grocery store, the Vet's Home so I could see my dad, and then to the pharmacy so I could pick up a new prescription. After that, I sat outside in the screen house and wrote out some thank you notes. (If you haven't received your Thank You note, yet, I apologize. I left the notes in the middle of the table in the screen house, and unfortunately...Gidget ate them so I have to start all over.) Pretty innocuous, all in all...but for me, it was a truly amazing day! I felt almost normal. Part of that was, I think, because I'd gotten 2 drains removed. Yippee! I only felt like half a cyborg, then. I had the last two drains removed this past Monday. One of them was becoming infected, and the stitches were breaking through the skin, so it was one of those "calls" where my surgeon decided to take the last two drains out. By Wednesday, I noticed a lot of swelling and noises that shouldn't have been there. I looked like I still had breasts...except they were coming out of my sides; very odd, and very awkward. I tried sleeping sitting up, hoping that would bring some of the swelling down, but it didn't. I ended up calling my surgeon and went in for an office visit (down to Duluth) today. He was a bit shocked at how much fluid (serumen) had accumulated just in the last 4 days. He did a needle aspiration (trust me, it wasn't bad at all. I'm still so totally numb that I didn't feel a thing) on both sides and removed a total of 410 cc or something like 13 ounces. When it comes to drains and their removal, he said you're basically danged if you do, and danged if you don't. Any time you have drainage tubes in, you run the risk of infection. Taking them out too soon can result in the build up of serumen. I have my regularly scheduled appointment with my surgeon on Monday. Hopefully, the internal drainage (for lack of a better term) will be substantially less than it was today. I'm praying really hard for that to happen. One thing he did tell me, is to not use my arms. Knitting, typing...that sort of thing is fine. But moving my arms around is what causes whatever to release serumen. My body needs to realize that whatever there was before that needed all of that, is no longer there and so...enough, already!

As for the rest...I'm feeling pretty useless. I can't move my arms much, but I can drive (yay!), as long as I don't take any pain pills etc. This is good because I have three appointments next week. The surgeon on Monday, Radiologist on Tuesday, and Oncologist on Thursday. These last two appointments are consultations, only. I won't be able to start any chemo or radiation until there's no more drainage and who knows how long that will be? I'll be driving myself to these appointments, so I'm going to try not to sleep so much the next couple of days.

I think part of the reason that I sleep so much is because I'm (like I said) feeling pretty useless, and because I'm bored. Even knitting doesn't hold or capture my interest like it normally does. So, yes, I have several chemo caps that some wonderful friends made for me, I have one that I've made, two that I've made but still need to be felted, and another that I've made but needs to be finished. Maybe that's what I'll do tomorrow. Who knows? I'm also working on a sort of shawl. It's a shawl pattern, but I'm using really big needles and very fine wool. The idea is that I'll be able to wear it much like a long cowl; hopefully somewhat disguising. I've looked at a lot of post-mastectomy "fashions" (notice how I placed fashions in " " ? There's a reason for that.) One style that I saw had a chest full of horizontal ruffles. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am definitely NOT a ruffly kind of person...unless, perhaps, the ruffles come in camouflage. Blessings!

I Did a "doh doh"

Yep...I drove Chelsea to school this morning. Not only that, but I drove on Monday, too (just uptown to the bank drive through and then home again). Maybe I'm pushing it, maybe not. I think that as long as I don't take a pain pill before hand, I should be okay...even if driving makes my arms and chest hurt, and getting in and out of the car is a chore in itself. mmm Okay...having just typed that, I do believe that driving is not a good idea right now.

This morning, I finished loading the dishwasher and got it started. Yay! The kids, to be honest, have been slacking a bit in their responsibilities ever since I started looking more "normal." Loading the washer wasn't so bad, but we have a really big box of Cascade that is rather awkward to manipulate, and weighs more than I should probably be lifting right now. Okay, I'm really not supposed to be lifting much of anything, per Doctor's orders "no lifting with arm of affected side." Yup...I have two sides involved, which equals two arms...I wonder if I can lift with my toes and feet?

In other news, I was really sick the night before last, and yesterday with a fever of 102. Whatever I had, David caught, too...high fever etc. so he slept pretty much all of yesterday, poor guy. Oh...and I found out something interesting this morning, after I did a little research on the internet. The 2nd type of cancer that was found in my left breast...the tubular carcinoma? It's very rare, accounting for only 2% of all breast cancers, and it's often found in conjunction with another and more common type. The more you learn, the less you have to fear, right? I remember when my mom was dx'd with MS, and I was really, really upset. The first thing I did was to learn everything I could about it etc. Afterwards...I felt better. It's been the same ever since, with every challenge our family has had to face.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said "Fear always springs from ignorance." Blessings!

I'm Fine

According to Mirriam-Webster, one of the definitions of "fine" is "very well" . I'm sure if I looked into the definition further, I would find one that is more "definitive" of how I use it. When people ask me how I'm doing, I usually say, "I'm fine." Generally, that's not the case, of course, but really...who wants to hear a potentially long and drawn out explaination of how I'm really feeling? Someone asked me that today, and I said "I'm fine." Reality, is that in addition to being "diseased" as David calls it, it seems that I also have the flu. I had a temp last night of 102, and was tired, nauseous, and in pain today. I slept most of the day.

How are you doing? I'm fine. But really, I worry about paying bills, how we're going to be able to make ends meet, how my cancer is changing us now and what long-term impact it will have on the family; making sure that the kids have everything they need. I worry about my mom who in addition to worrying about me, also has my dad and everything that entails to deal with. I worry and fret about not being able to get to church, or down to the Vet's Home to see my dad and other residents who love to receive visits from the rabbits that I used to bring down a couple of times a week. But...I've been warned to stay away from crowded places; those places where germs and viruses are most likely to be making their happy rounds, and those places include the school, church, and the Vet's Home. I am so grateful that Fr. Frank has been to my house twice, so far, to give me communion. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have that much, at least, to look forward to.

The bottom line? I'm really not fine...but I'm doing as well as I can. Blessings!

Post Surgery Pathology Report

I wasn't 100% certain that basically electing to have the left breast removed was a good idea...until today when I received the post-surgery pathology report. According to my surgeon, the left breast had/was full of invasive ductal carcinoma in situ. In other words, the left breast was also full of cancer; just not as active as that in the right. It would have only been a matter of time before I would have had to have the second mastectomy. In addition, 37 out of 38 biopsied lymph nodes tested positive for cancer, and in another spot, 8 out of 9 tested positive. My cancer has been staged at IIIA or IIIB, both of which are curable.

I definitely over-did things yesterday, getting up at 5:00 a.m. and not going to sleep until after midnight. I was very tired, and very sore today. I ended up taking 4 pain pills, and 4 extra strength tylenol (total of 2000 mg) in order to get any relief. I also took a nap for about 3 hours, and later on dozed on the couch. I did take a bath and wash my hair, and wore real clothes (not jammies) for the first time since I had surgery. My choice of clothing is actually very comforting for a number of reasons. Firstly, the capris I am wearing are a bit large, but were too tight when I bought them four years ago. Second, I chose to wear a cardian inside-out so that I could just slip the drains inside the pockets. They're much more secure that way, they're off to the sides a bit, and I don't feel so misshapen while wearing it. The best thing about the cardigan? It used to belong to my Grandma Woelfel who passed away a few years ago. Way back when, and on this blog, I made a post about this particular sweater, and how whenever I wore it, I would be getting one of my grandma's amazing hugs. I love you, Grandma! Thank you for the hugs :-) Blessings!

I'm Home and Recovering

So, I had surgery on Monday, August 31; one radical mastectomy and 1 simple mastectomy. I don't remember anything about Monday, or Tuesday, really, except that I had to walk a little bit and Fr. Frank stopped by to see me. Wednesday a.m. I asked when I could go home. A few minutes later I was told I could leave that day so I called David and told him to come and pick me up. Since then, I've been mostly resting. David, bless his heart, has been tending to all of my needs...pain pills (the number of pills he gives me is based on how great the pain is), my anti anxiety and anti depressents, and my drains. The drains are a pita; two tubes coming out of each surical site, ending in what appear to be clear blood pressure bulb type thingies. He charts everything, and I'm sure the surgon, when we see him on the 14th will be glad for that. There are things I want to say, but I'm just too tired. I will leave it at that. Blessings!