What a gorgeous day! It's sunny and 52 degrees outside. I so love sunny days! I've folded a couple of loads of laundry, and I'm having my second cup of coffee. Life is good! I've decided to make the most of today. I'm going to run up town, shortly, and pick up a few things...make a few meals, or at least plan easy ones, that Chelsea can cook or throw in the crock pot while I'm gone. I will get bills in the mail, and finish cleaning up the house. I have decided that there are some positives in what we're all going through right now. I'm not quite sure what they are, but I know they are there. I just have to figure it out. In a weird way, I'm actually kind of looking forward to seeing how my hair grows back after chemo. I'm half hoping for black and curly, myself. I was born with black hair, so...it's not a total impossibility, eh? :-) I am NOT looking forward to the post-surgery drains etc. Ewwwww! I am also wondering what the results of the CT and bone scans will show. My right shoulder has been really sore, front and back, and all the way down to the elbow, for a long time. I'm thinking that maybe it's because of the lymph node involvement, but not sure.
Okay, I'm back. I bet you didn't even know I was gone. I went up town, and bought beef and pork roasts, chicken, hot dogs, baked beans, veggies, butter etc. Gotta love the crock pot! Today, I'm going to make the beef roast so that tomorrow, any left-overs can be used for BBQ; again, in the crock pot. Wait a minute. Ben's home today, so there probably won't be any left overs *smile.
In other news, I'm still losing weight...30# so far. I'm not sure why that is, but hey...I'll take weight loss in any form. It feels strange that all of my pants, even those with elastic waists, are loose fitting. I'm very glad that my mom is a magician with a sewing machine and serger, and that I might be able to ask her to take a few things in. One of the blessings (the many blessings) of being my mom's daughter.
We're now down to 25 hours and 43 minutes. Pretty wild to think about. I have to be at the hospital at 10:00 tomorrow, surgery is at noon, and then...I guess it will be over, eh? To anyone reading this...have a gorgeous and wonderful day! Life is good...even when it isn't. Blessings!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
39 Hours, 24 Minutes
But who's counting?
I played around a little bit in Paint Shop Pro XI earlier today, because I couldn't put words to what I was feeling. Sometimes when that happens, I will get an image in my head. The image I had today was wreckage. I feel like I'm Humpty Dumpty. Heaven knows I'm really good at shutting down and tuning out. In fact, I'm quite the expert. This is one of those times, however, when there's no denying or running from reality. I will be a different person on Monday, physically at least. I think I can compare it to when your hair turns gray...except it's on a larger scale. There's a permanent change (and yes, I realize that gray hair doesn't need to always be gray...I've had semi-regular appointments with Miss Clairol for years *smile), but I've heard that it's one you get used to. It's better than the alternative, right?
Tomorrow, will hopefully be a good day. I plan on getting up early, getting some housework done, and then going to church at the Vet's Home with my parents. After that, I need to get some things around the house settled/arranged. I don't want to leave my family in the lurch while I'm laid up, although I know very well that they're more than capable of handling things. I'm just not as important, in that way, as I sometimes like to think that I am. Blessings!
I played around a little bit in Paint Shop Pro XI earlier today, because I couldn't put words to what I was feeling. Sometimes when that happens, I will get an image in my head. The image I had today was wreckage. I feel like I'm Humpty Dumpty. Heaven knows I'm really good at shutting down and tuning out. In fact, I'm quite the expert. This is one of those times, however, when there's no denying or running from reality. I will be a different person on Monday, physically at least. I think I can compare it to when your hair turns gray...except it's on a larger scale. There's a permanent change (and yes, I realize that gray hair doesn't need to always be gray...I've had semi-regular appointments with Miss Clairol for years *smile), but I've heard that it's one you get used to. It's better than the alternative, right?
Tomorrow, will hopefully be a good day. I plan on getting up early, getting some housework done, and then going to church at the Vet's Home with my parents. After that, I need to get some things around the house settled/arranged. I don't want to leave my family in the lurch while I'm laid up, although I know very well that they're more than capable of handling things. I'm just not as important, in that way, as I sometimes like to think that I am. Blessings!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Did I Really Say That?
Did I really say to "make mine a double?" Yuck! That was some of the nastiest stuff I've ever had to drink. The only good thing I can say about it, is thanks to the Dasani I had to add to it (okay, so any type of water would have worked) it was cold and I had to drink it fast in order to meet the 2-hours before CT scan deadline. Thankfully, it didn't leave an after taste, or if it did, it was completely masked by the metalic taste that was caused by the radioactive material in the injection I had prior to the bone scan. To be honest, the barium (or whatever it was) was way worse than anything else, today. The young woman who did the CT scan and IV clearly knew what she was doing; I hardly felt a thing. And what's really cool, is that she's engaged to Jamie Otterblad, a family that we've known for over 30 years.
Okay, so something rather different did happen during my tests and that is, my in-laws called the hospital to see how things were going. When my CT scan was done and it was time to run over to another building for my bone scan, David was on the phone at the desk. I appreciate the concern, I really do. But test results are typically not immediately available. I didn't find out the results of my MRI for 2 days and I suspect I won't know the results of the bone and CT scans until just before my surgery if not after.
The tension in the house is now palpable. My girls are on edge and acting out more than usual. Becca's attitude is now an Attitude (note the capital A), Chelsea just told me that she's tired, hungry, and bored. Kirstin is upset that her boyfriend changed plans on her, again, although to be fair to Steve...those things happen. Learning how to handle disappointment is a sure sign of maturity; growing up. She's getting there, but it doesn't happen overnight for anyone. I know that everyone is worried and upset that things are going to be different around here for a while, and the kids are not always able to put their feelings into words so...their feelings come out in actions. I'm feeling pretty out of it and find myself taking things one second at a time...trying to stay focussed one second at a time.
In other news, the hospital called this evening for pre-registration. I have to be at the hospital at 10:00 on Monday, with surgery at noon: radical mastectomy and simple mastectomy. I understand I will be in the hospital for 2 or 3 days, a chemo port will be inserted during surgery, and the drains may very well be removed by the time I leave. This is good! I've already told David that I want no visitors, except for him and our kids. Grsh...no pithy comment to end this post, so... Blessings!
Okay, so something rather different did happen during my tests and that is, my in-laws called the hospital to see how things were going. When my CT scan was done and it was time to run over to another building for my bone scan, David was on the phone at the desk. I appreciate the concern, I really do. But test results are typically not immediately available. I didn't find out the results of my MRI for 2 days and I suspect I won't know the results of the bone and CT scans until just before my surgery if not after.
The tension in the house is now palpable. My girls are on edge and acting out more than usual. Becca's attitude is now an Attitude (note the capital A), Chelsea just told me that she's tired, hungry, and bored. Kirstin is upset that her boyfriend changed plans on her, again, although to be fair to Steve...those things happen. Learning how to handle disappointment is a sure sign of maturity; growing up. She's getting there, but it doesn't happen overnight for anyone. I know that everyone is worried and upset that things are going to be different around here for a while, and the kids are not always able to put their feelings into words so...their feelings come out in actions. I'm feeling pretty out of it and find myself taking things one second at a time...trying to stay focussed one second at a time.
In other news, the hospital called this evening for pre-registration. I have to be at the hospital at 10:00 on Monday, with surgery at noon: radical mastectomy and simple mastectomy. I understand I will be in the hospital for 2 or 3 days, a chemo port will be inserted during surgery, and the drains may very well be removed by the time I leave. This is good! I've already told David that I want no visitors, except for him and our kids. Grsh...no pithy comment to end this post, so... Blessings!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Make Mine a Double
Mastectomy, that is. Instead of having a single mastectomy on Monday, I will be having a bi-lateral, or double mastectomy. Hopefully, the procedure will still take place on Monday. It all depends on the surgeon's schedule.
Dr. Nelson called me today with the results of the MRI I had done on Tuesday. He said there were a couple more spots on the right side, and "numerous and potentially pre-cancerous" spots on the left. However, it would be virtually impossible to biopsy every single spot, and because I'm so young (Dr. Nelson's words, not mine *smile), we made the decision to go with the double mastectomy. That way, there is less chance of the cancer returning, and will make reconstruction a more viable option.
It's late, and I'm tired, so this post is shorter than usual. Tomorrow promises to be another long day. I have to be in Duluth at 10:45 for CT and bone scans. The whole idea of tomorrow's tests makes me feel a little like Alice in Wonderland; " drink this" and "inject that." Heck...as long as I have to drink something, I wonder if they'd make it a double? Blessings!
Dr. Nelson called me today with the results of the MRI I had done on Tuesday. He said there were a couple more spots on the right side, and "numerous and potentially pre-cancerous" spots on the left. However, it would be virtually impossible to biopsy every single spot, and because I'm so young (Dr. Nelson's words, not mine *smile), we made the decision to go with the double mastectomy. That way, there is less chance of the cancer returning, and will make reconstruction a more viable option.
It's late, and I'm tired, so this post is shorter than usual. Tomorrow promises to be another long day. I have to be in Duluth at 10:45 for CT and bone scans. The whole idea of tomorrow's tests makes me feel a little like Alice in Wonderland; " drink this" and "inject that." Heck...as long as I have to drink something, I wonder if they'd make it a double? Blessings!
Speaking of Happy Thoughts
My family is my happiest thought. Not necessarily my parents, or my brothers; not my in-laws, but my family
: David, Robert, Ben, Kirstin, Chelsea, Becca (and Alice). Kind of obvious, eh? Alice and Robert, though divorced, are still on good terms, and I still love Alice. She's another daughter, to me.
: David, Robert, Ben, Kirstin, Chelsea, Becca (and Alice). Kind of obvious, eh? Alice and Robert, though divorced, are still on good terms, and I still love Alice. She's another daughter, to me.Today was actually a pretty good day. I did a lot of cleaning in the kitchen and living room, David worked on laundry, and we both took a nap together this afternoon. That is another happy thought...snuggling with my sweetheart. I'm kind of collecting happy thoughts for the days and weeks to come. They're all there, just not necessarily identified as such. The day I found Kirstin, at approximately 18 months of age, standing in the toilet, gleefully jumping up and down with zillions of bubbles pouring over the seat and onto the floor...that's a happy thought. (She'd put a bottle of baby bath in the toilet and then climbed in on top of it.) The day Ben made his first friend; all of the times Chelsea would use words far beyond her age...When she was about 2 years old, I remember she'd get this look on her face; a scowl, and we'd ask her "Chelsea, are you angry?" "No!" "Are you sad?" "No!" "What's wrong?" "I fustwated!" (I'm frustrated!) And Becca...such an amazingly beautiful baby. I won't forget the day that she headed off to go Trick or Treating with her sisters; Becca and Kirstin were dressed identically as witches and had the same witches hats. Becca's kept falling down over her face. Then there's the day that David proposed to me. He showed up at my apartment in St. Paul, wound up like a two bit alarm clock; shuffling from one foot to another and said, "Let's go out, but not to any of those Irish places you like." Darn...no Half Time Rec. We ended up going to Dixie's on Grand, a cajun restaurant around the corner from where I lived, and oddly enough was where we ended up on our first date. While waiting for our drinks to arrive, David pulled an envelope out of his pocket, tossed it across the table to me, and said "Oh, by the way, this is for you." Inside was my engagement and wedding rings. *sigh Such a romantic ;-) Seriously, though, he really can be. When Ben was born, for example, instead of flowers, David gave me a pair of purple fuzzy footies. Another happy thought. (Okay, that's a combination happy/funny thought hehehehe.)
I've heard, many times, that it's good to count your blessings. That may be true (probably is), and I have many, many blessings. But for the time being, I prefer to count my Happy Thoughts. Oh yea...purple fuzzy footies.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Happy Birthday to Me!
Yes, I did stay up until midnight last night. David and I were downstairs in our "cave" and when it was exactly midnight, I pulled a chair over to the vent that leads directly into Kirstin's room, and called "Kirstin! K!" "What?" "Happy Birthday to Me!" Kirstin came racing downstairs, with my present in her hand. She gave me a funny card and a really beautiful head scarf; white with pink spots. It's nice and soft and I'll be able to use it in a variety of different ways. Chelsea made me a really beautiful card, as did Becca who also wrote a poem for me. I've saved them both.
David and I were out the door by 6:15 a.m. because I had to be in Duluth for an MRI at 7:30. That was an interesting experience. It would have gone much better, I'm sure, if I didn't have spoon chest and the resulting protruding ribs. As it was, I had to lay on my stomach, propped up in different places (you get the picture) by foam thingies, attached to an IV with some sort of contrast medium, and then hold perfectly still for 24 minutes while squeezed into a giant metal tube that made a ginormous amount of noise in spite of the ear plugs I was given. Oddly enough, however, I dozed off during the last few minutes. I had a dream about Ben. He was opening the refrigerator, while holding a bottle of beer in his hand and he said "Dad said that whoever is holding the beer is in charge." Ooooooookay then. We stopped at McDonald's on our way home, for breakfast, and then later in the day, I got my hair cut short. My kids think it's really cute. Personally, I think I look a lot like the actor who plays Miley Cyrus' older brother in Hannah Montana. I tried to take a few pics of "the new do," but wasn't happy with any of them. I still look enormously over-weight, even though I've lost 30 pounds in the last couple of months or so. Maybe I will have better luck tomorrow. I guess I'm still vain enough that I want to look at least half-ways decent in any pictures that I publish.
The mailman brought me two cards today. One was a birthday card from a very dear friend (thanks, EllaB!), and the other was a Mass Card from my Auntie Judi. She's so awesome! I do love my aunties. They're really amazing people. My mom is one of 8 girls; she calls herself the "baby of the first half" because she's #4. My aunt Bonnie, rest her soul, was the oldest, followed by Sharon, Lanay, Marilyn (my mom), Lorna, Judi, Mary, and Eudean. There are no brothers in the family. My mom and her sisters are the type of people who would give you the shirts off of their backs and then ask if you want the pants, too. They know how to live, laugh (ooooh, boy, do they ever! hahahaha), and above all, they know how to love. So in a previous post when I said something about my Aunties being one of my happy thoughts (I can't help but smile every single time I think about them)...they really are. If any of my aunties are reading this post...three words for you: "I love you!" Blessings!
David and I were out the door by 6:15 a.m. because I had to be in Duluth for an MRI at 7:30. That was an interesting experience. It would have gone much better, I'm sure, if I didn't have spoon chest and the resulting protruding ribs. As it was, I had to lay on my stomach, propped up in different places (you get the picture) by foam thingies, attached to an IV with some sort of contrast medium, and then hold perfectly still for 24 minutes while squeezed into a giant metal tube that made a ginormous amount of noise in spite of the ear plugs I was given. Oddly enough, however, I dozed off during the last few minutes. I had a dream about Ben. He was opening the refrigerator, while holding a bottle of beer in his hand and he said "Dad said that whoever is holding the beer is in charge." Ooooooookay then. We stopped at McDonald's on our way home, for breakfast, and then later in the day, I got my hair cut short. My kids think it's really cute. Personally, I think I look a lot like the actor who plays Miley Cyrus' older brother in Hannah Montana. I tried to take a few pics of "the new do," but wasn't happy with any of them. I still look enormously over-weight, even though I've lost 30 pounds in the last couple of months or so. Maybe I will have better luck tomorrow. I guess I'm still vain enough that I want to look at least half-ways decent in any pictures that I publish.
The mailman brought me two cards today. One was a birthday card from a very dear friend (thanks, EllaB!), and the other was a Mass Card from my Auntie Judi. She's so awesome! I do love my aunties. They're really amazing people. My mom is one of 8 girls; she calls herself the "baby of the first half" because she's #4. My aunt Bonnie, rest her soul, was the oldest, followed by Sharon, Lanay, Marilyn (my mom), Lorna, Judi, Mary, and Eudean. There are no brothers in the family. My mom and her sisters are the type of people who would give you the shirts off of their backs and then ask if you want the pants, too. They know how to live, laugh (ooooh, boy, do they ever! hahahaha), and above all, they know how to love. So in a previous post when I said something about my Aunties being one of my happy thoughts (I can't help but smile every single time I think about them)...they really are. If any of my aunties are reading this post...three words for you: "I love you!" Blessings!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Monday, August 24
It's 10:59 p.m., Monday, August 24. In exactly one hour and one minute, I will be 47 years old. I was born with all hands on 12:00 midnight; even the second hand. Weird, eh? I used to think it made me a witch or some such thing. When I was little, I used to wait up until midnight of the 24th and then run into my parents bedroom and yell, "Happy Birthday to me!" and then run back to my bedroom (okay, more like scoot across the hall to my bedroom) and go to sleep.
I have to say that I have been very stressed out about something that I found out about, yesterday. It seems that some of my personal health information was released to a family member, without my knowledge or consent. I was annoyed with the family member, and apologies are all great but right now..., but I am absolutely furious that my HIPAA rights were violated and that someone at the hospital thought it would be okay for them to release my personal information. How many ways can we say, "WRONG!!!"
This whole ordeal is intensely personal. I feel comfortable discussing things with David, and with my mom and my cousin Terri, but that's it as far as non-medical professionals. (Okay, so David is an LPN, but you know what I mean.) Two very dear family friends that David works with are RNs (Ellen, can we adopt you?!) I know my other family members...aunts, uncles, and other cousins, and in-laws are concerned, too...but I just do not feel comfortable talking about it with them. One of the main reasons I started writing about everything is so that I wouldn't have to actually talk about it to people I wouldn't necessarily discuss things with in person.
Bah...and on that less than happy note (note to self...find your happy thought...My Aunties!...and go to your happy place), it's time to sign off and get some sleep. Twenty-four minutes until my birthday, and 6 hours and 24 minutes until David and I need to be on the road. I have an MRI scheduled for 7:30 a.m. Yay. And, oh yea! Happy Birthday to me! hahahaha Blessings!
I have to say that I have been very stressed out about something that I found out about, yesterday. It seems that some of my personal health information was released to a family member, without my knowledge or consent. I was annoyed with the family member, and apologies are all great but right now..., but I am absolutely furious that my HIPAA rights were violated and that someone at the hospital thought it would be okay for them to release my personal information. How many ways can we say, "WRONG!!!"
This whole ordeal is intensely personal. I feel comfortable discussing things with David, and with my mom and my cousin Terri, but that's it as far as non-medical professionals. (Okay, so David is an LPN, but you know what I mean.) Two very dear family friends that David works with are RNs (Ellen, can we adopt you?!) I know my other family members...aunts, uncles, and other cousins, and in-laws are concerned, too...but I just do not feel comfortable talking about it with them. One of the main reasons I started writing about everything is so that I wouldn't have to actually talk about it to people I wouldn't necessarily discuss things with in person.
Bah...and on that less than happy note (note to self...find your happy thought...My Aunties!...and go to your happy place), it's time to sign off and get some sleep. Twenty-four minutes until my birthday, and 6 hours and 24 minutes until David and I need to be on the road. I have an MRI scheduled for 7:30 a.m. Yay. And, oh yea! Happy Birthday to me! hahahaha Blessings!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Another Fragile Day
To begin with, I couldn't sleep last night...again. I was wide awake at 3:00 a.m., and finally decided to get up at 6:00. I made sure the kids got out the door to church (I went to church last night because I had to read), then ran a couple of errands and took Thumper down to the Vet's Home to see my dad. She didn't really want to be caught, but I tricked her with a few fresh greens. Then she was my best friend, again. *smile* The kids were all pretty much gone today...Becca and Ben out to Lax Lake, Chelsea disappeared with her boyfriend for a while, so that left David and I home with Gidget.
I talked to my cousin, Terri, today and had an amazing conversation. As soon as she heard that I have cancer, she made an appointment to get her annual exam and mamogram done. (Yay, Ter!) You see, Terri and I aren't just cousins, we're double-related cousins. Our moms are sisters, our dads are brothers, and we grew up together. Terri was by no means the first to hear that I have cancer, and she completely understands the reason why. We are very much alike in that we're intensely private about a lot of things. If we want someone to know something, we'll tell them ourselves. I had to chuckle when Terri virtually demanded that I call her to help out. Little does she know, that when I begin chemo and/or radiation, I will be taking her up on that offer; maybe by having her take my two youngest daughters into her classroom after school until either I'm home, or my two oldest kids are home.
In "cancer news," I think my mind is playing tricks on me. It appears that the tumor has grown (appears that way, though I highly doubt I'd be able to really notice a differece), and I'm finding isolated and painful areas on my chest and left side. There also appears to be right-sided axial swelling that wasn't there before. This week, once all of the tests are done, I will hopefully have some answers. If not then, clearly at some point after my surgery, eh? Blessings!
I talked to my cousin, Terri, today and had an amazing conversation. As soon as she heard that I have cancer, she made an appointment to get her annual exam and mamogram done. (Yay, Ter!) You see, Terri and I aren't just cousins, we're double-related cousins. Our moms are sisters, our dads are brothers, and we grew up together. Terri was by no means the first to hear that I have cancer, and she completely understands the reason why. We are very much alike in that we're intensely private about a lot of things. If we want someone to know something, we'll tell them ourselves. I had to chuckle when Terri virtually demanded that I call her to help out. Little does she know, that when I begin chemo and/or radiation, I will be taking her up on that offer; maybe by having her take my two youngest daughters into her classroom after school until either I'm home, or my two oldest kids are home.
In "cancer news," I think my mind is playing tricks on me. It appears that the tumor has grown (appears that way, though I highly doubt I'd be able to really notice a differece), and I'm finding isolated and painful areas on my chest and left side. There also appears to be right-sided axial swelling that wasn't there before. This week, once all of the tests are done, I will hopefully have some answers. If not then, clearly at some point after my surgery, eh? Blessings!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Yesterday was a Bad Day
Yesterday was a really bad day, actually. To begin with, it was cold, cloudy, and wet outside. David was busy finishing up cleaning the remains of the sump pump's failure inducing flood while I worked on another chemo cap. Plus, I never did hear from St. Luke's as to a date and time for the additional scans that were ordered, or what time my surgery is scheduled for.
I don't remember what set me off; something minor that had nothing to do with anything, really, but I cried like a baby. Blubbered would probably be a better description. David, bless his heart, was gentle, concerned, patient, and...all around wonderful. When he asked what was wrong, I told him that I didn't know...that I just felt so fragile. I was a complete and total wreck. David simply took me by the hand and held me until the storm had passed and believe me, "it" was no simple little storm. I cried for what seemed like hours but was actually nowheres near that. I told David that he didn't deserve this (this whole cancer thing), and that I felt I was being selfish for being so focused on myself these days. I know...my words didn't make a whole lot of sense, were completely illogical, but David understood that and didn't condemn me for saying them. I told him that this is really serious stuff. It finally hit home. According to the ladies in my Ravelry Breast Cancer Support Group, this breakdown that I experienced is something that all of them also had, and is a part of the process. In other words, it was/is normal and expected.
I learned something wonderful yesterday, too, and that is that I don't have to put on an act or "be strong" with David. He understands and he loves me more than anyone I've ever known. Now, how lucky can a person get...to have someone who loves them like that?! Yea...I am definitely one lucky woman...one very blessed woman and I thank God for my husband, for my kids, and for my family and friends. Blessings!
I don't remember what set me off; something minor that had nothing to do with anything, really, but I cried like a baby. Blubbered would probably be a better description. David, bless his heart, was gentle, concerned, patient, and...all around wonderful. When he asked what was wrong, I told him that I didn't know...that I just felt so fragile. I was a complete and total wreck. David simply took me by the hand and held me until the storm had passed and believe me, "it" was no simple little storm. I cried for what seemed like hours but was actually nowheres near that. I told David that he didn't deserve this (this whole cancer thing), and that I felt I was being selfish for being so focused on myself these days. I know...my words didn't make a whole lot of sense, were completely illogical, but David understood that and didn't condemn me for saying them. I told him that this is really serious stuff. It finally hit home. According to the ladies in my Ravelry Breast Cancer Support Group, this breakdown that I experienced is something that all of them also had, and is a part of the process. In other words, it was/is normal and expected.
I learned something wonderful yesterday, too, and that is that I don't have to put on an act or "be strong" with David. He understands and he loves me more than anyone I've ever known. Now, how lucky can a person get...to have someone who loves them like that?! Yea...I am definitely one lucky woman...one very blessed woman and I thank God for my husband, for my kids, and for my family and friends. Blessings!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
One More Stop Before Surgery
My surgeon presented my case at today's Tumor Board, a meeting of anyone that has anything to do with tumors: radiologists, oncologists, surgeons, physicians, etc. While surgery is still scheduled for the 31st, I will be having three more scans: bone, CT, and they're going to check the left breast again to see if the suspicious spots are cancer...all prior to surgery. I should know more tomorrow. But for now, that's where it stands.
Happy Thursday?
It's not a bad day, just a wet one. We had a lot of rain last night, and of course our sump pump decided to act up. Yup...our basement flooded, again. Yay. So, David is busy downstairs getting laundry done, cleaning up the basement, and knitting. He's working on a pair of socks for our youngest daughter, now that he's done with mine (love my socks!). He made me a pair of socks in a variegated yarn...Lake Superior blues and some brown. They fit, they're soft, and they were made by my favorite person in the whole world. In other words, they're perfect. More good news? Kirstin's home!! She was in the cities with Steve for a few days. She's still sleeping, so I haven't seen her yet. I don't know why they came home a day early, but I suspect it was because Kirstin was having "Becca withdrawals." Those two, especially, missed each other like crazy.
I had my pre-op appointment this morning. No biggie. My blood pressure was still high, which I expected, at 152/92. Monday, it was 160/100. The nurse who took care of me is someone I've known for years. She is also a cancer survivor. We have something...intense, for lack of a better word...in common. She told me that turbans and hats, especially as we are moving into the colder months, are especially important and that I should plan on wearing something on my head at all times. Most of our body heat escapes through our heads, and so...without hair to help insulate...I'll be getting pretty cold. That's good to know. Hats and turbans serve a functional, as well as cosmetic, purpose. For some reason, I hadn't really thought about that. The nurse also told me that she kept pictures of her kids with her, to remind her why she needed to keep fighting. I'm planning on having pictures of all 5 of my kids with me: Robert, Ben, Kirstin, Chelsea, and Becca. My PA asked if I was planning on getting my hair cut. Again, something I hadn't thought about, but it does make sense. I can either see short bits of hair falling out and going down the drain, or I can watch as big clumps of much longer hair go the same way. I think it would be less traumatic to lose shorter hair than longish, like I have right now. Also, I asked Charlie about the PR and ER positives (my cancer is estrogen and progesterone receptor positive which means that it "feeds and grows off of" estrogen and progesterone. I asked if that would be managed by medication, or what. He said that would all be part of my chemotherapy. I wasn't sure if the surgeon was planning on doing a complete hysterectomy, or what. I still don't know, but I suspect that won't happen.
I just made an appointment to get my hair cut; another practical thing to do. And now...it's time to get busy cleaning. The living room and kitchen both need my attention, and once that's done...I'll start working on another chemo cap. Maybe a felted fedora...who knows? I could even go seasonal. I've seen patterns for turkey and Christmas tree hats...as in the turkey looks like it's sitting on your head and the Christmas tree looks like it's growing Out of your head. mmmm I'll have to think about that one for a bit. Blessings!
I had my pre-op appointment this morning. No biggie. My blood pressure was still high, which I expected, at 152/92. Monday, it was 160/100. The nurse who took care of me is someone I've known for years. She is also a cancer survivor. We have something...intense, for lack of a better word...in common. She told me that turbans and hats, especially as we are moving into the colder months, are especially important and that I should plan on wearing something on my head at all times. Most of our body heat escapes through our heads, and so...without hair to help insulate...I'll be getting pretty cold. That's good to know. Hats and turbans serve a functional, as well as cosmetic, purpose. For some reason, I hadn't really thought about that. The nurse also told me that she kept pictures of her kids with her, to remind her why she needed to keep fighting. I'm planning on having pictures of all 5 of my kids with me: Robert, Ben, Kirstin, Chelsea, and Becca. My PA asked if I was planning on getting my hair cut. Again, something I hadn't thought about, but it does make sense. I can either see short bits of hair falling out and going down the drain, or I can watch as big clumps of much longer hair go the same way. I think it would be less traumatic to lose shorter hair than longish, like I have right now. Also, I asked Charlie about the PR and ER positives (my cancer is estrogen and progesterone receptor positive which means that it "feeds and grows off of" estrogen and progesterone. I asked if that would be managed by medication, or what. He said that would all be part of my chemotherapy. I wasn't sure if the surgeon was planning on doing a complete hysterectomy, or what. I still don't know, but I suspect that won't happen.
I just made an appointment to get my hair cut; another practical thing to do. And now...it's time to get busy cleaning. The living room and kitchen both need my attention, and once that's done...I'll start working on another chemo cap. Maybe a felted fedora...who knows? I could even go seasonal. I've seen patterns for turkey and Christmas tree hats...as in the turkey looks like it's sitting on your head and the Christmas tree looks like it's growing Out of your head. mmmm I'll have to think about that one for a bit. Blessings!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Reality Strikes, I Think
Okay, so maybe I've been deluding myself into thinking that "it's no big deal." "I can handle this." "Everything is normal;" normal for our family, anyways. Today made me think that...maybe David's co-workers are right. Maybe I am in denial. When David was at work, I got virtually nothing done. When he came home, at least, I got some knitting done. I feel somewhat lost when he's not here; lost and anxious. (Good grief, I just realized how often I use the semi-colon when writing. Eh, well. Can we say "Attention Deficit Disorder?" ha!) There is an average 5-year survival rate for my type of cancer of 67%, or about 2/3. That means that 1/3 of people with my cancer do Not survive past 5 years. I have to consciously think about that glass...you know the one. It's either half-full or half-empty. For the past 20 years, my glass has always been half-full. Now, I'm not so sure. This is a really big deal, and it's not going to go away over night.
Kirstin called last night and said, "Mom, I just want you to be around to see your grandkids." I told her, "I'm planning on it, but not any time soon, okay?" But am I really planning on it? Am I just tired of always dealing with something bad happening in our family? Logically, I know the last two questions/statements are because I'm worried, and I'm tired even though I rested for several hours today. I have to keep looking forward, even if it's just to silly things like making and wearing some really "interesting" chemo caps. Someone suggested to me that I make a purple and gold hat, and then put the #4 on it (Brett Favre's number/Viking colors). I like that idea. I also like the idea of having several different hats to wear for different reasons. I like the idea of making some sort of wrap that I can pin in place at my right shoulder, and that should help to disguise the disfigurement of a mastectomy. I look forward to seeing my daughter, Kirstin, graduate next Spring. I look forward to many more years of hugs and giggles, trials, and joys with all of my kids. And yes, I do look forward to grandkids...some day. Not any time soon, though...okay, Kirstin?! *smile* Another thing to look forward to? I'm considering getting a tattoo...something like the image in this post. Wouldn't that be a hoot?! Blessings!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
My Daughter is Mad at Me
Becca, my youngest, is mad at me. Evidently, she doesn't want to have a bald-headed mama. I told her I'd get to wear all kinds of cool hats; she said hats aren't cool, they're just...(she couldn't think of a word and became frustrated). Okay, so she's probably really not mad at me, she's just scared and confused, and angry at the cancer/that I have it. I understand and am dealing with it. The truth is, that not all chemo drugs cause alopecia. However, after doing some research last night, I learned that the typical chemo regimine used to treat the type of cancer that I have, does cause alopecia. There are ways of minimizing it; maybe not lose all of the hair, but that involves chemo treatments in smaller doses, and spaced further apart. I just want to get everything over and done with. Besides...I don't want to have to be going back and forth to Duluth (120 miles round trip) any more than I have to. David will be taking FMLA to get me to most of my appointments, and if needed, then...we'll have to rely on volunteer drivers. Fortunately, and again from what I've researched, it looks like chemo is only once every three or four weeks so that's good. In the meantime, I'll be working on some chemo hats. I haven't found any specific pattern that I'm totally "in love" with, but I have a few ideas. My head is a bit larger than average and I have a round face. Beanies/skull caps do NOT look good on me :-). I love to knit, but have rarely made anything for myself. Making a chemo cap or two gives me something to look forward to, and it's fun. And did I mention that I have a nice, new pair of knitted socks? David made them for me.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Surgeon's Report
David and I met with Dr. Nelson, my surgeon, today. Following an exam and a review of the mamogram images, the three of us sat down to talk. My cancer is the most common type, and is Stage IIIA. Stage IIIA means that the tumor is larger than 5 cm (duh, eh? hahaha It's 8 x 12 cm), and it has spread to 4 to 9 axillary lymph nodes on the same side as the carcinoma. As best we can tell, the tumor is not growing into the chest wall, which is a good thing. Stage IIIA has a 5 year survival rate of 67%. It's better than 50%, eh?
We were given 2 options to consider. Option 1) Try to save the breast by using chemo to shrink the size of the tumor, and then do a lumpectomy/lymphectomy, followed by radiation 5 days/week for 5 weeks, and then reconstruction. The problem with that, is that there is a 15% to 20% chance for the cancer to return. Given the fact that I'm still relatively young (okay, so my kids would probably disagree with that statement, but whatever), that would be another 30 years, or so, during which the cancer could come back; have to be on guard more etc. Option 2) mastectomy followed by chemo and radiation. This option gives us the best chance for a complete cure. We have decided to go with Option 2. We will not know if it will be a single or double mastectomy until I have the BSGI test; a diagnostic involving gamma radiation that can detect whether or not the two suspicious lumps in my left breast are cancerous. (Better than another biopsy, in my opinion!)
So, Dr. Nelson is going to set up the BSGI test, talk with an oncologist about my case, and also present it to a board meeting on Thursday night. This meeting involves other surgeons and professionals; should mean that the best course of action will be determined. Dr. Nelson said that everything would be done (surgery) within two weeks, give or take a day or two. This is good, I think. The girls will be close to being back in school, and so it will be quiet here at home during the day. I will be spending one or two days in the hospital. Fortunately, with David being an LPN, he will be able to handle the nursing care I will need at home for the first few days post-op. After that, another trip to the doctor for more follow-up care and then...not sure when the chemo will start. At least two of my girls seem to think I should wear a wig, once my hair starts to fall out. First of all, I'm not completely sure that my hair will fall out, although I suspect it will. I told Chelsea that if it does, it just gives me an excuse to wear some really cool hats :-) In fact, I may just have to design one or two and make them myself. Sounds like a plan to me.
Blessings!
We were given 2 options to consider. Option 1) Try to save the breast by using chemo to shrink the size of the tumor, and then do a lumpectomy/lymphectomy, followed by radiation 5 days/week for 5 weeks, and then reconstruction. The problem with that, is that there is a 15% to 20% chance for the cancer to return. Given the fact that I'm still relatively young (okay, so my kids would probably disagree with that statement, but whatever), that would be another 30 years, or so, during which the cancer could come back; have to be on guard more etc. Option 2) mastectomy followed by chemo and radiation. This option gives us the best chance for a complete cure. We have decided to go with Option 2. We will not know if it will be a single or double mastectomy until I have the BSGI test; a diagnostic involving gamma radiation that can detect whether or not the two suspicious lumps in my left breast are cancerous. (Better than another biopsy, in my opinion!)
So, Dr. Nelson is going to set up the BSGI test, talk with an oncologist about my case, and also present it to a board meeting on Thursday night. This meeting involves other surgeons and professionals; should mean that the best course of action will be determined. Dr. Nelson said that everything would be done (surgery) within two weeks, give or take a day or two. This is good, I think. The girls will be close to being back in school, and so it will be quiet here at home during the day. I will be spending one or two days in the hospital. Fortunately, with David being an LPN, he will be able to handle the nursing care I will need at home for the first few days post-op. After that, another trip to the doctor for more follow-up care and then...not sure when the chemo will start. At least two of my girls seem to think I should wear a wig, once my hair starts to fall out. First of all, I'm not completely sure that my hair will fall out, although I suspect it will. I told Chelsea that if it does, it just gives me an excuse to wear some really cool hats :-) In fact, I may just have to design one or two and make them myself. Sounds like a plan to me.
Blessings!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Frozen Friday...errr...Sunday?
Frozen Sunday...not because it's cold outside, but because I'm feeling frozen today; shut down. I guess I'm pretty good at that, eh? It sure seems that way. Aside from visiting my dad, and folding and hanging up a bunch of laundry, I didn't get much done today.
David has been spending a lot of time knitting. It's calming for him. The kids are doing their things...Kirstin arrived home from camp on Thursday and has worked every day since then. Tomorrow she's leaving for the cities with Steve for four days. Ben is (hopefully?) getting his room cleaned up, Chelsea's in the living room on a laptop, and Becca will be home tomorrow from a four-day camping trip with her friend. I have an appointment with my surgeon tomorrow down in Two Harbors at 10:30, so the two little girls will be home. Chelsea knows to go over to Grandma's house if she needs anything, and to send Becca over there, too, when she gets home. I guess they're going to do some cooking and/or baking, which Chelsea loves.
I went to church last night which was really nice and a little bit strange. Strange in that my name was in the church bulletin under Prayers. After mass, my cousins Tom and Bozena stopped to talk, and then we all walked out to our cars together. Both had wonderful words of hope and encouragement. Before I got in my van, Tom gave me a hug; a nice brotherly hug. (How wonderful is that?!) Bozena told me she has a good feeling about my situation, and evidently, her good feelings are rarely, if ever, wrong. Cool beans, eh? :-) I have such an amazing family. If I have one regreat about this whole thing, it's that the diagnosis came on my brother's birthday. Maybe I'm in denial about the rest; who knows?
David's family has been calling, which is very much appreciated. His parents call nearly every day, Shari called yesterday, I think? Annette sent a very nice card, and today, David's other two sisters called. It was very nice to talk to them. Kimmie seemed to understand that there was only so much to talk about re. my cancer, and so we talked about other things, too. It was great to catch up. Becky...Becky is very lovable, caring, and concerned. She seemed really happy that Kirstin and Steve will be visting the cities and staying with her for a few days (Thank you, Becky!). I smile whenever I think about Becky.
I guess I'll leave things here, for now. Tomorrow...the big day. We will know what happens next, and when. If anyone actually reads this blog, and doesn't see a new post for a few days...it's probably because I'm unable to post.
Blessings!
David has been spending a lot of time knitting. It's calming for him. The kids are doing their things...Kirstin arrived home from camp on Thursday and has worked every day since then. Tomorrow she's leaving for the cities with Steve for four days. Ben is (hopefully?) getting his room cleaned up, Chelsea's in the living room on a laptop, and Becca will be home tomorrow from a four-day camping trip with her friend. I have an appointment with my surgeon tomorrow down in Two Harbors at 10:30, so the two little girls will be home. Chelsea knows to go over to Grandma's house if she needs anything, and to send Becca over there, too, when she gets home. I guess they're going to do some cooking and/or baking, which Chelsea loves.
I went to church last night which was really nice and a little bit strange. Strange in that my name was in the church bulletin under Prayers. After mass, my cousins Tom and Bozena stopped to talk, and then we all walked out to our cars together. Both had wonderful words of hope and encouragement. Before I got in my van, Tom gave me a hug; a nice brotherly hug. (How wonderful is that?!) Bozena told me she has a good feeling about my situation, and evidently, her good feelings are rarely, if ever, wrong. Cool beans, eh? :-) I have such an amazing family. If I have one regreat about this whole thing, it's that the diagnosis came on my brother's birthday. Maybe I'm in denial about the rest; who knows?
David's family has been calling, which is very much appreciated. His parents call nearly every day, Shari called yesterday, I think? Annette sent a very nice card, and today, David's other two sisters called. It was very nice to talk to them. Kimmie seemed to understand that there was only so much to talk about re. my cancer, and so we talked about other things, too. It was great to catch up. Becky...Becky is very lovable, caring, and concerned. She seemed really happy that Kirstin and Steve will be visting the cities and staying with her for a few days (Thank you, Becky!). I smile whenever I think about Becky.
I guess I'll leave things here, for now. Tomorrow...the big day. We will know what happens next, and when. If anyone actually reads this blog, and doesn't see a new post for a few days...it's probably because I'm unable to post.
Blessings!
Friday, August 14, 2009
Friday, August 14
I admit to being a bit lazy today. I've been trying to get certain things in place for my family and kids before any procedures take place. I changed our cell phone plan to reflect more realistic usage and talked to the school nurse to ask for her advice on what can be done for the girls once they're back in school. Karen said that the girls can, if they need to, take time from class to go down and see her, or to see Rachel Howard (school counselor). Karen is also going to talk to the principal to let him know what's going on in case there is any "noise" from the girls' teachers. That's one less thing to worry about. I also called the Human Development Center to find out about Ben getting in to see his regular counselor on a weekly basis. I learned that Ed only comes to Silver Bay every two weeks, but Ben could get in to see him weekly down in Two Harbors. Because Ben works in a program down in Two Harbors, I sent an email to the director of the DAC and asked her if it would be possible for Ben to be able to get to the HDC every week, at least for the time being. I haven't had a response, yet, but I'm sure I will very soon.
I've also started making a list of questions to ask the surgeon when we see him on Monday. I need to know, for example, how many days I can expect to be in the hospital, whether or not it will be a single or double mastectomy, how soon we can expect to know what stage the cancer is in, home recovery time, when chemo and radiation will probably start, the possibility of hair loss, and possible reconstructive surgery. I'm not so sure about the latter...it seems to me that breast implants could potentially get in the way of any future mamograms/ultrasounds, and that wouldn't be a good thing.
My dad is doing well enough at the Vet's Home. He doesn't know that I have cancer, and he's not going to know if at all possible. He certainly doesn't need any more upset in his life. More good stuff...I guess my aunts have all put me on the prayer chains at their churches, so I'm pretty sure that Redwood County is nicely covered :-) In addition, Kirstin has loads of Camp Survive people praying for me, including the seminarians, counselors, campers, etc. Again...thank you, everyone, for your prayers and your support. Blessings!
I've also started making a list of questions to ask the surgeon when we see him on Monday. I need to know, for example, how many days I can expect to be in the hospital, whether or not it will be a single or double mastectomy, how soon we can expect to know what stage the cancer is in, home recovery time, when chemo and radiation will probably start, the possibility of hair loss, and possible reconstructive surgery. I'm not so sure about the latter...it seems to me that breast implants could potentially get in the way of any future mamograms/ultrasounds, and that wouldn't be a good thing.
My dad is doing well enough at the Vet's Home. He doesn't know that I have cancer, and he's not going to know if at all possible. He certainly doesn't need any more upset in his life. More good stuff...I guess my aunts have all put me on the prayer chains at their churches, so I'm pretty sure that Redwood County is nicely covered :-) In addition, Kirstin has loads of Camp Survive people praying for me, including the seminarians, counselors, campers, etc. Again...thank you, everyone, for your prayers and your support. Blessings!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
I Have Cancer
It's a pretty blunt way to put it, but there it is. I have cancer; Invasive Ductal Carcinoma or IDC for short. I'm still half-trying to wrap my mind around it. I don't know if I'm in denial, shut down, or what...but I haven't cried. It's very, very strange, because it was nearly 28 years ago that we found out my cousin had cancer. I remember at that time thinking to myself, "Okay. They know what's wrong; they'll go in, fix it, and it will be done." I am feeling largely the same way about my own cancer. It's a different type than my cousin had, of course, but cancer nonetheless. They'll go in, fix it, and be done. Kirstin asked me, "Are you going to die, mom?" "I'm not planning on it!" *smile* Becca refused to sip water out of my glass. "I don't want to catch cancer, mom!" "Becca, it's not contagious. You can't catch it, it's just something that happens." Chelsea has been spending a lot of time swinging, on the computer, and in the shower. Those are her coping mechanisms. Ben...like I said before (I think?), he's been telling everyone...neighbors, people in the grocery store, at work; that's his way. And, it's not as if it's a big secret any more. Silver Bay is a small town, and I love it. This is home and I'm so glad I moved back when I married David 20 years ago. I cannot count the numbers of offers of help, the comments, the support I've received just in the last 24 hours. It's absolutely amazing! I mean...I'm David's wife, my kids' mom...otherwise, I'm basically a hermit. But...wow!
I took Thumper down to the Vet's Home this morning, to see my dad and other residents. I have a rather interesting thought about that bunny. Thumper's run is very large; 8' x 3' x 2', and so if Thumper doesn't want to be caught, there's pretty much no way you're going to catch her, and normally, Thumper doesn't want to be caught. About a week ago, however, Thumper started wanting hugs and snuggles. I'd go over to talk to her, or to take care of her (and Cuddles, the other rabbit), and Thumper would come running. I'd pick her up and she'd snuggle right down; closing her eyes as I rubbed her cheeks, scratched her ears, and stroked her gloriously velvety fur. I really have to wonder if she knew something was going on. I suspect that she did. Thumper and I had a very nice visit with my mom and dad, with some of the residents, and staff. Again, so many people offered support, help, smiles, and words of encouragement. It really makes a world of difference and helps me to say positive and proactive.
One last note before I end this post; I ran across something really great, the other day, "God doesn't give you what he thinks you can handle; he helps you handle what you are given." Amen.
I took Thumper down to the Vet's Home this morning, to see my dad and other residents. I have a rather interesting thought about that bunny. Thumper's run is very large; 8' x 3' x 2', and so if Thumper doesn't want to be caught, there's pretty much no way you're going to catch her, and normally, Thumper doesn't want to be caught. About a week ago, however, Thumper started wanting hugs and snuggles. I'd go over to talk to her, or to take care of her (and Cuddles, the other rabbit), and Thumper would come running. I'd pick her up and she'd snuggle right down; closing her eyes as I rubbed her cheeks, scratched her ears, and stroked her gloriously velvety fur. I really have to wonder if she knew something was going on. I suspect that she did. Thumper and I had a very nice visit with my mom and dad, with some of the residents, and staff. Again, so many people offered support, help, smiles, and words of encouragement. It really makes a world of difference and helps me to say positive and proactive.
One last note before I end this post; I ran across something really great, the other day, "God doesn't give you what he thinks you can handle; he helps you handle what you are given." Amen.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The Results Are In
Invasive Ductal Carcinoma; breast cancer. David and I were given the report yesterday during a meeting with my PA. Charlie Wall is very proactive, and breast cancer and cancer screenings are his passion so I feel comfortable that I'm in very capable hands. He'd already set up an appointment with one of two surgeons from St. Luke's that he feels are the best. So on Monday, August 17, I will be meeting with Dr. Nelson for the initial consultation and to, in all likelihood, get all of the necessary tests set up. No doubt there will be CT and MRI, bone scans etc. We will not know exactly what we're dealing with (stage etc.) until all the tests have been run. From what little I've been able to learn from reliable internet sources, we're looking at Stage 2 or Stage 3 because there is lymph node involvement.
David and I are also being very proactive, and doing our best to maintain a positive attitude, especially for the kids. Chelsea has evidently made it her mission to be an anti-cancer cheerleader on facebook. Becca...she wanted cuddles last night and so David went out and slept on the little couch. Becca and I snuggled throughout the night and I actually got some sleep. Yay!!! But then, Ben woke everyone up early because he needed some $$$ for sodas for work, today. Yay Ben. He's having a difficult time of things; it's clear by his anxious actions; some of the things he says "I'm sorry you have this, mom. I don't want you to die, mom. You're the only mom I have." etc. "I'll tell you, when you're sick, it should teach me a good lesson, do you know that? To teach me responsibility; I'm going to have to set expectations for me higher than they should be." (He's saying that as I type.)
I'll log more, later...right now, the kids are getting into it and I should go. Stay tuned for part .999.
David and I are also being very proactive, and doing our best to maintain a positive attitude, especially for the kids. Chelsea has evidently made it her mission to be an anti-cancer cheerleader on facebook. Becca...she wanted cuddles last night and so David went out and slept on the little couch. Becca and I snuggled throughout the night and I actually got some sleep. Yay!!! But then, Ben woke everyone up early because he needed some $$$ for sodas for work, today. Yay Ben. He's having a difficult time of things; it's clear by his anxious actions; some of the things he says "I'm sorry you have this, mom. I don't want you to die, mom. You're the only mom I have." etc. "I'll tell you, when you're sick, it should teach me a good lesson, do you know that? To teach me responsibility; I'm going to have to set expectations for me higher than they should be." (He's saying that as I type.)
I'll log more, later...right now, the kids are getting into it and I should go. Stay tuned for part .999.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Day 4
Still waiting to hear the biopsy results. My PA was down at the Vet's Home this morning, until noon. After that he should be back in his office. I was told 2 working days to receive the results, but because the biopsies were done so late in the day on Friday, I'm beginning to suspect that I won't hear anything until tomorrow...Wednesday. Awww...I just got chocolate kisses from Becca. She's eating a fudgesicle and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Things like that make me smile.
I really didn't sleep last night. I stayed awake until very late/very early, depending on how you look at it, then was up an hour or so later. I am feeling very tired right now, but I know I wouldn't be able to sleep if I tried. So here I sit, blogging away. Sadly, David couldn't sleep last night, either, and then over slept and was 15 minutes late for work. I hope he doesn't get in trouble for that.
After running David's lunch down to him at work (PB & J, as usual), I visited with my mom and dad for a bit, and some of the VFW ladies who were at the Vet's Home working BINGO. Then it was off to the grocery store to pick up a few things; again, I'm so out of it it's not even funny. I ran into my cousin Terri, there, and ended up telling her what's going on. She said she was going to run home and say a rosary for me. I love my cousin, Ter. Then, my aunt Lanay stopped by my house to see if I'd heard anything, yet, and to visit for a few minutes. We both agreed that the waiting is the killer. She's had breast troubles in the past; none that she could recall involving the lymph nodes, however, like mine. Wait and see. I promised to let Terri and Lanay know as soon as we hear anything. I think I might have to make a list of all the people we need to notify...there's just so many, even though (for the most part), I've tried to keep things quiet, again, waiting to see if there really is anything to be concerned about. I think my mom can call my brothers, her sisters etc., and then David can call his family. My friends...I will probably post on facebook as well as here, to let everyone know what's going on.
It's 12:41 p.m., and office hours at the clinic (I think?) end in 4 hours, 19 minutes. But who's counting, eh?
I really didn't sleep last night. I stayed awake until very late/very early, depending on how you look at it, then was up an hour or so later. I am feeling very tired right now, but I know I wouldn't be able to sleep if I tried. So here I sit, blogging away. Sadly, David couldn't sleep last night, either, and then over slept and was 15 minutes late for work. I hope he doesn't get in trouble for that.
After running David's lunch down to him at work (PB & J, as usual), I visited with my mom and dad for a bit, and some of the VFW ladies who were at the Vet's Home working BINGO. Then it was off to the grocery store to pick up a few things; again, I'm so out of it it's not even funny. I ran into my cousin Terri, there, and ended up telling her what's going on. She said she was going to run home and say a rosary for me. I love my cousin, Ter. Then, my aunt Lanay stopped by my house to see if I'd heard anything, yet, and to visit for a few minutes. We both agreed that the waiting is the killer. She's had breast troubles in the past; none that she could recall involving the lymph nodes, however, like mine. Wait and see. I promised to let Terri and Lanay know as soon as we hear anything. I think I might have to make a list of all the people we need to notify...there's just so many, even though (for the most part), I've tried to keep things quiet, again, waiting to see if there really is anything to be concerned about. I think my mom can call my brothers, her sisters etc., and then David can call his family. My friends...I will probably post on facebook as well as here, to let everyone know what's going on.
It's 12:41 p.m., and office hours at the clinic (I think?) end in 4 hours, 19 minutes. But who's counting, eh?
Monday, August 10, 2009
Day 3
Okay, so I was a little more productive today. Considering I really haven't gotten anything done in the last few days, that's really not saying much. I've been staying up as late as possible, hoping that I'll then be able to fall asleep for a while. I don't imagine that tonight will be any different. I haven't been eating and have lost another 5 pounds (believe me, I can afford to lose ten times that). Then I sleep later than I usually do, but that's okay. Sleep makes the time pass quicker. I hope, hope, hope, hope, hope! that the results are in tomorrow. This whole thing has been such a trial for my family and friends. I have been getting lots more hugs from Chelsea, Becca has been hovering, and Kirstin has called home once or twice a day from camp. Ben...he was the hard one. I didn't know what, or how to tell him. I finally told him tonight, that I'd had tests done on Friday. His first thought was that it was cancer, and "I don't want you to die, mom!" Poor kid dropped to the floor :-( But that's Ben. He's always been my "ten times" kid. When he's happy, he's ten times happier than a typical person. When he's sad or angry...he's ten times more. And when he's worried...he's exponentially more worried. You know, every now and then, but very rarely...I would wonder what it would be like to have a typical son; a boy who would play basketball and football, have friends, date, maybe get into a little trouble at school...but then I'd push that thought away. I have Ben. He has autism and adhd...he's loud, talks way too fast (I often have to play interpreter), doesn't necessarily care if his clothes are clean, ripped, or even on correctly at times...but he's my boy :-)
Anyways. My PA, Charlie Wall, called first thing this morning to ask how Friday's appointment had gone, and to tell me that he would call as soon as any results came in. So...again, we wait. But I do appreciate Charlie calling me right away. He's really jumped on this whole thing, which inspires confidence and promotes my trust. A few hours later, a nurse from St. Luke's Breast Center called to check on the wound etc. She told me that it might be Wednesday before we hear anything. Please God, let it be tomorrow so that we can all finally have some answers.
Nothing much new today...I peeled off the steri-strips and noted that the wound has closed and is healing well enough; no redness etc. It's not big; just a half inch or so. There is some bruising, and it still burns inside. I'm not crazy about the Tylenol; I've been using an ice pack which seems to relieve the pain just as well. I also notice some axial pain that radiates down the inside of my right arm to the elbow. I've been having sudden headaches in the same spot; just above my eye in the right frontal area. I'm sure it's all stress and anxiety.
On the good side...I've been getting some nice support from family and friends (old and new). Lots of prayers are being said, and healing being sent. I don't know if anyone reads this blog...but if you are (reading this), I want to thank you for your concern. Blessings on you and yours.
Anyways. My PA, Charlie Wall, called first thing this morning to ask how Friday's appointment had gone, and to tell me that he would call as soon as any results came in. So...again, we wait. But I do appreciate Charlie calling me right away. He's really jumped on this whole thing, which inspires confidence and promotes my trust. A few hours later, a nurse from St. Luke's Breast Center called to check on the wound etc. She told me that it might be Wednesday before we hear anything. Please God, let it be tomorrow so that we can all finally have some answers.
Nothing much new today...I peeled off the steri-strips and noted that the wound has closed and is healing well enough; no redness etc. It's not big; just a half inch or so. There is some bruising, and it still burns inside. I'm not crazy about the Tylenol; I've been using an ice pack which seems to relieve the pain just as well. I also notice some axial pain that radiates down the inside of my right arm to the elbow. I've been having sudden headaches in the same spot; just above my eye in the right frontal area. I'm sure it's all stress and anxiety.
On the good side...I've been getting some nice support from family and friends (old and new). Lots of prayers are being said, and healing being sent. I don't know if anyone reads this blog...but if you are (reading this), I want to thank you for your concern. Blessings on you and yours.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Day 2.999
I talked to Julia earlier, and then Mike a couple of hours ago. Yayyy!!! I feel better, now, knowing that the people closest to me know what's going on. I slept for a few hours this afternoon, but I'm still tired. It's weird. I don't want to feel this way; turning off and shutting down. I want to get all of my housework caught up, finish up the yardwork, and keep doing the things I should be doing. But all I can think about is how I wish I could sleep until the pathology report comes back. I was told two working days = Tuesday. Do you think I could be lucky enough that I'll hear something tomorrow?
I am grateful for family and friends for their kindness. The one thing I really don't want, no matter what happens, is for people to leave me alone out of "compassion" or fear or whatever. I went down to the Vet's Home to visit my dad (my mom was also there), and that was nice. My mom had big smiles and hugs...she's amazing! After I left my mom and dad in the dining room, I stopped for a few minutes to talk to my cousin, Bozena, who is one of the RNs there. I appreciate Bozena on different levels...for the family relationship, for her professional understanding and knowledge, and for her words of hope and caution. She's great!
Becca seems certain that I have cancer. Tonight, she wanted some ice cream. Shame on me for not having run the dishwasher today, so I gave her my water glass and told her to wash it out and she could use it to make herself a malt. She said "I don't want to get cancer." We're all struggling; trying to take things one day at a time, or even one minute at a time. Ben, bless his heart, took off for the woods today to say a rosary. He hasn't done that in several weeks. This whole thing has cat a pall over the whole family. I guess it's up to me (God give me strength) to get up tomorrow morning and get busy doing what needs doing. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best; live one day at a time and do the best you can with what you have.
I am grateful for family and friends for their kindness. The one thing I really don't want, no matter what happens, is for people to leave me alone out of "compassion" or fear or whatever. I went down to the Vet's Home to visit my dad (my mom was also there), and that was nice. My mom had big smiles and hugs...she's amazing! After I left my mom and dad in the dining room, I stopped for a few minutes to talk to my cousin, Bozena, who is one of the RNs there. I appreciate Bozena on different levels...for the family relationship, for her professional understanding and knowledge, and for her words of hope and caution. She's great!
Becca seems certain that I have cancer. Tonight, she wanted some ice cream. Shame on me for not having run the dishwasher today, so I gave her my water glass and told her to wash it out and she could use it to make herself a malt. She said "I don't want to get cancer." We're all struggling; trying to take things one day at a time, or even one minute at a time. Ben, bless his heart, took off for the woods today to say a rosary. He hasn't done that in several weeks. This whole thing has cat a pall over the whole family. I guess it's up to me (God give me strength) to get up tomorrow morning and get busy doing what needs doing. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best; live one day at a time and do the best you can with what you have.
Day 2
Went to bed late last night, hoping to sleep and was able to get a good 5 or 6 hours of rest before the puppy woke me up. Good deal. The first thing I did was went online to check to see if I'd received any messages from a new friend, a cancer survivor, who has kindly volunteered to be a "go to" person for support. I had sent her a message in which I asked her how much weight I should give to the radiologist's conclusions. She said that radiologists are not allowed to give diagnoses, but that they've seen so much, and know so much, that I should prepare for the worst. So, that's what I am going to do.
Because it appears that the word is out, I've been trying to contact my closest people to make sure that they hear it from me, and not second hand. So far, I've talked to my mom and my brother Doug; haven't been able to reach Mike, yet. I sent emails to my step-son, Alice, my best friends, and most of David's siblings. I've also contacted a few friends through facebook.
Aside from the headache, I'm feeling okay today, I guess. There's some discomfort from the steri-strips that they used to close up the hole (holes?) from the biopsies, but that's to be expected. There's also some bruising, again to be expected. I really need to get a new bra. I have one, and the danged puppy decided it would make a good chew toy so...one strap is being held together by a wish and a prayer, the other is in-expertly sewn by me, and there's a hole in one side. Yay. Ben just left for church, and I've decided that I'm going to go with my mom down at the Vet's Home at 10:00. I'm trying to think of "normal" things that need doing today...taking care of the animals, going to the grocery store etc. I really need to finish cleaning out my cupboards, too. I'm also sure that I'll sleep...just because I still have 2 days to wait until I hear anything for sure. I'm an American, dang it! I want instant gratification :-)
Because it appears that the word is out, I've been trying to contact my closest people to make sure that they hear it from me, and not second hand. So far, I've talked to my mom and my brother Doug; haven't been able to reach Mike, yet. I sent emails to my step-son, Alice, my best friends, and most of David's siblings. I've also contacted a few friends through facebook.
Aside from the headache, I'm feeling okay today, I guess. There's some discomfort from the steri-strips that they used to close up the hole (holes?) from the biopsies, but that's to be expected. There's also some bruising, again to be expected. I really need to get a new bra. I have one, and the danged puppy decided it would make a good chew toy so...one strap is being held together by a wish and a prayer, the other is in-expertly sewn by me, and there's a hole in one side. Yay. Ben just left for church, and I've decided that I'm going to go with my mom down at the Vet's Home at 10:00. I'm trying to think of "normal" things that need doing today...taking care of the animals, going to the grocery store etc. I really need to finish cleaning out my cupboards, too. I'm also sure that I'll sleep...just because I still have 2 days to wait until I hear anything for sure. I'm an American, dang it! I want instant gratification :-)
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Day 1.999
Okay, so it's not quite time to post Day 2, yet. That's why this one is called Day 1.999. I'm sitting here trying to determine whether or not I'm tired; probably not. Deciding whether or not I should try to get some sleep; probably, but probably won't be able to.
I did to go see the play that Becca was in tonight. Prairie Fire Theater's Snow White. Becca was one of the spell casters; she was one of the evil queen's evil fairies/sorcerers. It was the spell casters that put the kybosh on Snow White. It was a very well-put together and acted production, especially given the fact that auditions were on Monday, and the first show was last night...4 days later. I'm so proud of Becca! :-)
I'm still trying not to get ahead of myself (put the cart before the horse etc.), but I know this: Radiologists are highly trained and qualified in what they do. Radiologists...maybe especially the one they had at St. Luke's Breast Center...know their stuff and are, therefore, qualified to make diagnoses. I don't want to think about it, but it's kind of hard not to. Okay, it's impossible not to think about it.
I'm trying to remember, now, if I ate today. I think I did? Yes. I had a hot dog. I think I also did some cleaning, visited the rabbits; Thumper wanted cuddles again (she's such a sweetie!). No pithy comment to end this post, so I'll just leave it at that.
I did to go see the play that Becca was in tonight. Prairie Fire Theater's Snow White. Becca was one of the spell casters; she was one of the evil queen's evil fairies/sorcerers. It was the spell casters that put the kybosh on Snow White. It was a very well-put together and acted production, especially given the fact that auditions were on Monday, and the first show was last night...4 days later. I'm so proud of Becca! :-)
I'm still trying not to get ahead of myself (put the cart before the horse etc.), but I know this: Radiologists are highly trained and qualified in what they do. Radiologists...maybe especially the one they had at St. Luke's Breast Center...know their stuff and are, therefore, qualified to make diagnoses. I don't want to think about it, but it's kind of hard not to. Okay, it's impossible not to think about it.
I'm trying to remember, now, if I ate today. I think I did? Yes. I had a hot dog. I think I also did some cleaning, visited the rabbits; Thumper wanted cuddles again (she's such a sweetie!). No pithy comment to end this post, so I'll just leave it at that.
Day 1
Today is Saturday, August 8. I'm calling this Day 1 because it's the first day after I had my mamogram, ultrasound, and biopsies at St. Luke's Breast Center. I had heard horror stories about mamograms; untrue. It was a piece of cake. Okay, I have "spoon chest" which made things a little bit tricky, but success was eventually achieved. I got to wear a pretty dark pink smock type thing, and not the usual icky floral-patterned white hospital gown. Two views of one side, three views of the other side, the one with the mass; all done. Maybe not. A few minutes later, I was called back in for seven more views of the side that doesn't have the mass. Odd. Following a short wait, I was taken back for ultrasound and biopsy. I felt kind of bad for all the people working on me because it was Friday, and late in the afternoon. I'm sure they would all have liked to have gone home. So would I.
I didn't get to watch the ultrasound because I was propped facing the opposite direction from the screen. Oh, well. The ultrasound people were very nice; one was a trainee, I think. It was pretty funny, I thought, to sign release/consent forms while lying down and at an approximate 45 degree angle, previously in the dark, then with the bright light turned on so that I could see what I was signing. I just went along with everything; whatever.
A short while later, the radiologist came in to do the biopsies. He introduced himself, and I opened my eyes long enough to get a vague impression of a man who looked to be in his mid to late 50's, gray and wavey hair and maybe a beard, but I'm not sure. As I said, it was a vague impression and obviously, I wasn't terribly excited to see what he was going to do. I believe there was an application of betadine, and then some sort of topical anesthetic. After a while, there was an injection of a local anesthetic. I don't know how much time passed; I wasn't paying attention. I remember hearing the radiologist say that we were going to begin. I started deep breathing. The first one wasn't bad at all. I felt pressure and some burning, and heard the sound of the needle aspirator (10 gauge needle...not small). The second biopsy...that hurt! Much more pressure, far more burning. It felt like a knife being slowly inserted, millimeter by millimeter. I asked them to please tell me that we were all done. No such luck. The third, and final biopsy wasn't bad at all. I asked the radiologist if he could tell; what was his best opinion on whether it was benign or malignant, and he said he thinks it's cancer. I'll believe it when I hear it from my PA (Physician's Assistant). The ultrasound tech inserted some sort of a clip; can't remember exactly why. I think it was to mark the mass for future reference. (As if they couldn't see exactly where it was? It's bigger than a lime, for pete's sake! *smile*) After that, lights up, and I was free to go...almost. One more mamogram for whatever reason. I was giggling; hysterical laughter, perhaps (hysterical giggles). They had me sit down and then brought in "the throne." The biggest chair on wheels I've ever seen. It looked like a luxury dentist's chair. Mamogram completed, and this time, I really was free to go. We should have the results around Tuesday, August 11..Day 4 and my brother's 50th birthday. Hopefully it will be good news. If not, well...we'll just cross that bridge if we have to, eh?.
I didn't get to watch the ultrasound because I was propped facing the opposite direction from the screen. Oh, well. The ultrasound people were very nice; one was a trainee, I think. It was pretty funny, I thought, to sign release/consent forms while lying down and at an approximate 45 degree angle, previously in the dark, then with the bright light turned on so that I could see what I was signing. I just went along with everything; whatever.
A short while later, the radiologist came in to do the biopsies. He introduced himself, and I opened my eyes long enough to get a vague impression of a man who looked to be in his mid to late 50's, gray and wavey hair and maybe a beard, but I'm not sure. As I said, it was a vague impression and obviously, I wasn't terribly excited to see what he was going to do. I believe there was an application of betadine, and then some sort of topical anesthetic. After a while, there was an injection of a local anesthetic. I don't know how much time passed; I wasn't paying attention. I remember hearing the radiologist say that we were going to begin. I started deep breathing. The first one wasn't bad at all. I felt pressure and some burning, and heard the sound of the needle aspirator (10 gauge needle...not small). The second biopsy...that hurt! Much more pressure, far more burning. It felt like a knife being slowly inserted, millimeter by millimeter. I asked them to please tell me that we were all done. No such luck. The third, and final biopsy wasn't bad at all. I asked the radiologist if he could tell; what was his best opinion on whether it was benign or malignant, and he said he thinks it's cancer. I'll believe it when I hear it from my PA (Physician's Assistant). The ultrasound tech inserted some sort of a clip; can't remember exactly why. I think it was to mark the mass for future reference. (As if they couldn't see exactly where it was? It's bigger than a lime, for pete's sake! *smile*) After that, lights up, and I was free to go...almost. One more mamogram for whatever reason. I was giggling; hysterical laughter, perhaps (hysterical giggles). They had me sit down and then brought in "the throne." The biggest chair on wheels I've ever seen. It looked like a luxury dentist's chair. Mamogram completed, and this time, I really was free to go. We should have the results around Tuesday, August 11..Day 4 and my brother's 50th birthday. Hopefully it will be good news. If not, well...we'll just cross that bridge if we have to, eh?.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Wait and See
Wait and see. Three little words that contain a world of possibilities. Wait and see. At 3:00 p.m. tomorrow, I'll be down in Duluth with the goal of learning the type of abnormality I have on my right front/side. There is a lump that is 12 cm x 8 cm; causing inversion, puckering, and some pain. There is also a swolen lymph node. Wait and see.
Monday, August 3, 2009
When Does Cool Become Scarey?
Cool becomes scarey when your daughter rides off on the back of her boyfriend's new motorcycle...and not you, 30 years ago. Some revelation, huh? When we're young, we do all sorts of things that we later look back on as foolish, risky, and sometimes just plain dumb.
Kids (anyone under the age of...oh, say 25) think they're invincible. Life is full of promise, high expectations, excitement, and everything is done at warp speed. There are not enough hours in the day to do everything you want to do, when you're 17, or 18, or ... Then you grow up/grow old; sometimes they're one and the same, sometimes not. You have wisdom gained from experience, education, and 20/20 hindsight. It's the hindsight, I think, that can be particularly enlightening, as long as you don't dwell too long on the "what ifs" and "should haves," "could haves," and "would haves." Most of all, it's when you become a parent that you gain some of the greatest insight. Suddenly, your own parents become so much more intelligent, and you gain a wonderful perspective of what they went through when raising their own kids.
Parenting is tough (duh, eh?). I like to think that David and I each bring certain strengths to the table because of the way we were each raised. We have a good idea of how the other thinks, and the reasons why we are the way we are. In that, we compliment each other. David is, perhaps, a bit more willing to let our kids stretch their wings. I want to keep them home forever. Well, maybe not forever...it comes from that whole "mother the world" thing that I have. I just want my kids to be safe, happy, and become relatively well-adjusted adults. As usual, I'm probably over-analyzing things. I suspect this is true because I'm getting a headache. I think I'll end this post and go take an Advil. There's a bottle in my room with my name on it. It probably also says "Take 2 every four hours, or until your daughter is safely back home after her motorcycle ride."
Kids (anyone under the age of...oh, say 25) think they're invincible. Life is full of promise, high expectations, excitement, and everything is done at warp speed. There are not enough hours in the day to do everything you want to do, when you're 17, or 18, or ... Then you grow up/grow old; sometimes they're one and the same, sometimes not. You have wisdom gained from experience, education, and 20/20 hindsight. It's the hindsight, I think, that can be particularly enlightening, as long as you don't dwell too long on the "what ifs" and "should haves," "could haves," and "would haves." Most of all, it's when you become a parent that you gain some of the greatest insight. Suddenly, your own parents become so much more intelligent, and you gain a wonderful perspective of what they went through when raising their own kids.
Parenting is tough (duh, eh?). I like to think that David and I each bring certain strengths to the table because of the way we were each raised. We have a good idea of how the other thinks, and the reasons why we are the way we are. In that, we compliment each other. David is, perhaps, a bit more willing to let our kids stretch their wings. I want to keep them home forever. Well, maybe not forever...it comes from that whole "mother the world" thing that I have. I just want my kids to be safe, happy, and become relatively well-adjusted adults. As usual, I'm probably over-analyzing things. I suspect this is true because I'm getting a headache. I think I'll end this post and go take an Advil. There's a bottle in my room with my name on it. It probably also says "Take 2 every four hours, or until your daughter is safely back home after her motorcycle ride."
When? Where?
When I think of my kids, Robert, Ben, Kirstin, Chelsea, and Becca...I generally think of them as being little. It requires a conscious effort to see them as they really are. Good grief, does that ever sound familiar to me, now that I've said it. When Ben was very young, I was so busy seeing him as I wanted to, that I failed to see him as he really was. Hind sight, eh? It's 20/20. Reality proves that Robert is now 27 years old, Ben is 18, Kirstin is 17, Chelsea is 14, and Becca is 11. But to me, and often, Robert is still that little guy with the missing front tooth that came into my life when I married his dad. mmmm Nope. He's a grown man, now, with a life of his own and lives half the country away from us. Ben...is another story, in some ways. He graduated from high school, but lives at home and will continue to do so for the forseeable future. He has a job through a program at the DAC where he works at the recycling center in Two Harbors. It's a good thing because it's a program, it's not within walking distance of home (so he can't all of a sudden decide to leave work and go home), and it's giving Ben the chance to have a job and gain some independence. Ben's job is also giving the rest of the family the chance to gain a little independence (break?) from everything that goes along with his different ability/disability...whatever label you'd care to use. David and I have talked, and we're fairly sure that Ben will eventually be living in a group home, especially since we have heard there are homes in which the residents get to go fishing, snowmobiling, and wheeling (ATVs) which are pretty much the three things that Ben absolutely lives for. But that won't be for a while. He's not ready to leave home, and we're not ready to let him go.
Kirstin is still that little 3-year old who said, when I asked if I could hold her forever, "Momma, how 'bout three times forever?" But then I actually look at her and see this almost fully-grown, talented, responsible, and lovely young woman who will be graduating from high school next year and going on to college. Kirstin plans on spending two years at a community college, and then finishing up a degree in special education at a four year college.
Chelsea...she's my button. In some ways, she hasn't changed a great deal from when she was younger. She still wakes up happy as a clam every day, big smile on her face, and loves to give and receive hugs. As I've said before, physically at 5' 3 1/2" tall, she's very huggable. Chelsea is one of just two people I've ever known, who have absolutely known what they wanted to be when they grew/grow up. Chelsea wants to be a chef. The other person was my brother, Doug, who always wanted to be a cop. He is, that, in addition to being a sniper on his SWAT team, and a member of Minnesota's Honor Guard.
Becca is the baby, but it's kind of hard to keep that in mind considering that she's just 1/2" shorter than Chelsea, now. They could be twins in size, but there are three years between her and Chels. Becca is growing like the proverbial weed. I still see her, however, as she was at around age 2 when she had a head full of great big loopy curls. She looked like a bobble head doll, wearing her little pink Osh Kosh overalls. Today she's tall and lean, and a very good student who especially enjoys math and science.
So what I'd like to know, is: When did they grow up? Where was I?
Kirstin is still that little 3-year old who said, when I asked if I could hold her forever, "Momma, how 'bout three times forever?" But then I actually look at her and see this almost fully-grown, talented, responsible, and lovely young woman who will be graduating from high school next year and going on to college. Kirstin plans on spending two years at a community college, and then finishing up a degree in special education at a four year college.
Chelsea...she's my button. In some ways, she hasn't changed a great deal from when she was younger. She still wakes up happy as a clam every day, big smile on her face, and loves to give and receive hugs. As I've said before, physically at 5' 3 1/2" tall, she's very huggable. Chelsea is one of just two people I've ever known, who have absolutely known what they wanted to be when they grew/grow up. Chelsea wants to be a chef. The other person was my brother, Doug, who always wanted to be a cop. He is, that, in addition to being a sniper on his SWAT team, and a member of Minnesota's Honor Guard.
Becca is the baby, but it's kind of hard to keep that in mind considering that she's just 1/2" shorter than Chelsea, now. They could be twins in size, but there are three years between her and Chels. Becca is growing like the proverbial weed. I still see her, however, as she was at around age 2 when she had a head full of great big loopy curls. She looked like a bobble head doll, wearing her little pink Osh Kosh overalls. Today she's tall and lean, and a very good student who especially enjoys math and science.
So what I'd like to know, is: When did they grow up? Where was I?
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