There are 28 minutes left of today...October 1, which is my parents' 51st wedding anniversary. It was exactly one year ago today, that my dad was last in the home he shared with my mom for nearly as many years. Today was also the day that I saw my oncologist, a Dr. Baker. I learned a lot from him, including a definitive stage of my cancer: IIIC. Because my cancer is IIIC (5 year survival rate of something like 30%), my chemo treatment is going to be very aggressive and will start next Thursday, October 8. I will go every 2 weeks for chemo for 8 weeks. The day after each treatment, I need to get a shot that will increase white blood cell production by my bone marrow. I am soooo hoping that I will be able to get that shot at our local clinic rather than drive all the way back down to Duluth to get it and then drive home again. Once the initial chemo cycle is complete, "they" will decide whether or not I need to have chemo every 1, 2, or 3 weeks. I can expect to be bald by Halloween, and to be having chemo for the rest of the year and into 2010. I'm so glad I have enough hats that I can wear a different one for every day of the week :-)
Each chemo treatment, after the initial one at least, will take between 3 - 4 hours and will be administered through a port I had surgically implanted just above my left collar bone when I had my double mastectomy. The guitar pick shaped port has a catheter that is threaded into one of the veins leading to my heart in order to provide for the most effective and efficient distribution of the chemo drugs which are AC...not quite sure what they stand for, but I'll find out. Providing chemo through this port will eliminate the need to use an IV every time which is a good thing.
There's the technical stuff. Emotionally and personally...I'm kind of on one of those low parts of the roller coaster. Reality of the seriousness of this disease...my disease has set in. I try really hard to stay positive, especially for the kids, but in my heart of hearts, I sometimes worry that I won't be around to see Becca grow up, to see my girls happily married, to hold my first grandchild. It's kind of hard to push those feelings and thoughts to the back of my mind where they belong. Oddly enough, I was much better at dealing with everything that went along with learning about and dealing with my kids issues...Ben's autism and adhd, Kirstin and Becca's asthma, Kirstin's surgery, Chelsea's anxiety and autoimmune disease. It was a lot easier, I think, (and maybe I'm just seeing the past through rose colored glasses; I don't know) to live those days one at a time, or even one moment at a time that it is to deal with my own disease. I wonder why? Am I being selfish? I don't know and right now, I'm so tired, I really can't put any more effort into thinking about it. Good night, everyone, and Happy October 2...in 13 minutes. Blessings!
2 comments:
Wishing you all the best with your treatment.
Emotionally it is a very difficult journey ... sending you strength and courage.
Letting you know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Be strong.
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