Happy 4th of July

Happy Independence Day! I see that in spite of my best intentions, I haven't posted here in several months. Obviously, a lot has happened since we learned that my dad's cancer had progressed back in February.

We had an ice storm at the end of March to beat all ice storms in memory. We ended up with 2" of ice on everything, and nine of our thirteen trees either broken or damaged. The whole town, and the surrounding area, looked like a war zone with thousands and thousands of trees down, power lines down, etc. Silver Bay lost power for 4 hours, Finland lost power for 4 days. The Red Cross set up a shelter at the arena, though not as many people as one would expect took advantage of it. The ice was really gorgeous...but equally horrific. I'm grateful that David stayed in Eveleth those days, so I didn't have to worry about him driving on lonely, ice-covered roads back and forth to school.

Dad's seizures are still not completely controlled and they, along with dementia, have taken a toll on his cognitive abilities. Some days he thinks he's in Wabasso, a town near the farm where he grew up. Other days he thinks he's in a hospital. Some days he doesn't know who we are, other days he remembers not only who we are, but the nicknames he gave us when we were younger. Already basically skin and bones, he's losing more weight and the Vet's Home has begun monitoring how much he eats. Dad doesn't complain of being in any pain, really, so that's a positive. We have no way of knowing how far the cancer has progressed to-date because he's basically on comfort care that will include pain management when he needs it etc. Mom spends just about every day, all day, with him. She goes to church in the morning, then down to the Vet's Home to feed dad his breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and just to be with him. My oldest daughter, Kirstin, visits "papa" every day. I go down to see him anywheres between 2 and 5 days a week. I typically bring one of the "little girls." I say little, because they are my two youngest. Chelsea is 14, now, and Becca is 11. They're really not so little anymore. Well, unless you count size. Chelsea is pretty much full-grown and stands 5' 3 1/2" tall. Becca, three years younger, is 5' 2" tall. Chelsea giggles about being little (compared to me...Amazon at 5' 9" tall), sometimes she gets a little frustrated and wishes she could be taller. I tell her that she's "huggable." *smile*

A daughter of one of the residents at the Vet's Home, where David works, told him the other day "I didn't know you were married to the Bunny Lady!" Between my mom and our family, we have two rabbits (Thumper and Cuddles), a guinea pig (Fritz), and a chocolate lab puppy (Gidget). All we need is a goat and we'll have a real menagerie. My dad (and other residents at the Vet's Home) like to see the animals, so I usually bring one or two of them with me when I go to visit. The rabbits are especially well-behaved; Gidget...not so much. She's a lab, she's a puppy, 'nuf said.

David graduated from Mesabi Range on May 13, our 20th wedding anniversary. I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate, than to go up to Virginia for his graduation ceremony. I cannot express how proud we all are of his accomplishments. In addition to going to school full-time for two years, he worked full-time. David would get home from school around 1:30 on Friday afternoon, and go straight to work at 2:00. He would then work 8 hours, come home for 8 hours, then go back to work for 8 hours, for the whole weekend. It took it's toll. Finally, for the last few months of his school, he dropped down to a .8 at work, which allowed him 8 hours of home-time on the weekend. I have to say, that I have a very deep and new respect for single parents because that's basically what I was for two years...a single mom. I am grateful that the kids are a little bit older and capable of assuming certain responsibilities. Ben was fantastic, with clearing snow at our house and at my mom's house etc. I never had to worry about not being able to get out of the driveway because Ben was so very, very good about taking care of it all. The same for my mom. There were a number of days that I would wake Ben up at 5 a.m. to go out and clear snow; he never once complained about doing it. I'm really proud of the girls, too. Kirstin managed school work (some classes better than others), a job, and play practice with good grace, and high expectations which I believe, were achieved. Chelsea and Becca...they did well, too. Yay girls!

I, too, have finally graduated from school. I now have an AA degree in Medical Billing and Coding, and received the Most Inspirational On-Line Student award from Duluth Business University. I'm pretty proud of that, but it would not have happened without the support, understanding, and kindness of the staff at DBU.

On that happy note, it's time for me to end this entry and finish the potato salad that I started an hour ago. David, Ben, Chelsea, Becca, the puppy, and I are all driving down to Duluth to have a picnic with David's parents. After that, I'm not sure what we're going to do. Kirstin will be coming down later with her boyfriend, Steve, when he gets off work. We like Steve. He's a nice guy and treats Kirstin really well.

It's a Beautiful Life...mmm...Day

Why not, eh? The sun is shining, there's a fresh blanket of snow on the ground, the kids are in school, and our car is now in working order according to a phone call I just had from the repair shop. I have to say, 17 hours is a very decent turnaround time, especially considering that we brought the car in just minutes before the shop's closing time yesterday. Better still, the bill is less than I had expected. Yay Don! (And Thank You mom, for letting David borrow your car to get to school today.)

Today is also a beautiful day for shutting down, at least for now. I have some pretty important things to do re. finances/bills/taxes, but what am I doing? Sitting here on the computer (bad computer!), and getting ready to go down to the Vet's Home with the rabbit to see my dad and a few of the other people who live there. I guess in light of my dad's current state of health, a visit is the most important thing to do today. My mom received the results of dad's CT scan the other day, and there are now spots on his liver (one is quarter-sized, the other is dime-sized), in his lungs, and behind his sternum. We're still waiting to hear from his cancer surgeon, but I think all of us know that the prognosis isn't a bright one. I think that unknowingly, and perhaps unwillingly, my oldest brother will soon be filling the unofficial shoes of family patriarch. Thank heavens my oldest brother has no biases...gender, cultural, etc. that I'm aware of. I have always admired his family dynamic. My brother's wife and daughters are strong, intelligent, and powerful women. That is not to say that I don't feel strong, intelligent, and powerful, but I am kind of a control freak, in my own way. I have to do things the way I see fit. Otherwise, it's very hard for me to deal. Unbending, unyielding...perhaps I could or can apply those terms to myself, but there's also the part of me that serves, provides, and gives. It's funny how writing all this down (well, you know what I mean) is rather enlightening.

Now, the dryer is done and I have to get going down to the Vet's Home because there are some things that just won't wait, and visiting my dad happens to be one of them.

David and THE Test

As I've said before, my husband David is a 2nd year nursing student at Mesabi Range. He just started his final semester on Monday, January 12. He bought all of his books etc., came home from school that day and announced "I have to take my math test tomorrow." This is THE test...the one that he has to pass with 100% (students can take the test 3 times) in order to continue on with the program. Failure to do so would result in his being expelled from school. David has always struggled with math, but then he had a Med. Math class last semester. He worked so hard...hours and hours of studying, practicing etc. The result was that he passed the class with 90%. David took THE test on Tuesday and failed...he had 2 wrong. He wasn't surprised as the questions he missed were those that he didn't know how to do. Wednesday, he was prepared and feeling not confident, but not the opposite, either. He arrived home yesterday disgusted with himself, and devastated, because he had gotten 1 wrong and it was on a problem that he knew how to do. He even showed the teacher after class that he knew how to do it. Last evening, he slept for a while in the chair...I think he was absolutely exhausted because he hadn't really slept in 2 days. I felt so bad for him; I could feel waves of pain and sadness just rolling off of him and yet he still managed to tease me, and joke around a bit with the kids. What a guy, eh?!
This morning when he left for school to take the test for the 3rd and final time, he was more depressed than I've seen him in years. He said "I feel like I did when we were losing the store." (That's another story and I won't get into it here, but suffice it to say that it was a very difficult time for all of us.) I went around before he left, doing what I always do...made his coffee, made his lunch, warmed up the car etc. Becca woke up long enough to say "Bye, bye, Daddy. I love you." David ruffled her hair and said "Bye, bye, Becca. I love you too." I gave David a kiss goodbye, wished him a safe trip and said "I believe in you. We all believe in you." It was so hard to appear calm and "normal," for lack of a better word! I went back to bed but couldn't sleep. David called at 7:30 to let me know he'd made it safely to school. Great! I told him that I loved him and to do good on the test. His voice, when he next spoke, sounded centuries old and just as tired, "I'll try." By 9:30, I still hadn't heard anything and I was getting worried. I was certain that David wouldn't do anything foolish, but I knew he might have gone for a drive to pull himself together, if he didn't pass the test, before coming home. So, I called the school and spoke to the instructor who had administered the test. She told me "David's sitting in class, right now." "What?" "He's sitting in class right now. He passed! Now you'll have to act surprised when you see him!" Thank You Jesus!! There are no words to express the relief I feel at this moment. David has struggled with poor self-esteem for all of the years I've known him (21). Passing THE test, and knowing that he was able to do it...this is HUGE!
I can't wait for May 13. On May 13, David and I will have been married for 20 years. But do you know what's even better than that? May 13 is the day that David graduates from college.