I'm Fine

According to Mirriam-Webster, one of the definitions of "fine" is "very well" . I'm sure if I looked into the definition further, I would find one that is more "definitive" of how I use it. When people ask me how I'm doing, I usually say, "I'm fine." Generally, that's not the case, of course, but really...who wants to hear a potentially long and drawn out explaination of how I'm really feeling? Someone asked me that today, and I said "I'm fine." Reality, is that in addition to being "diseased" as David calls it, it seems that I also have the flu. I had a temp last night of 102, and was tired, nauseous, and in pain today. I slept most of the day.

How are you doing? I'm fine. But really, I worry about paying bills, how we're going to be able to make ends meet, how my cancer is changing us now and what long-term impact it will have on the family; making sure that the kids have everything they need. I worry about my mom who in addition to worrying about me, also has my dad and everything that entails to deal with. I worry and fret about not being able to get to church, or down to the Vet's Home to see my dad and other residents who love to receive visits from the rabbits that I used to bring down a couple of times a week. But...I've been warned to stay away from crowded places; those places where germs and viruses are most likely to be making their happy rounds, and those places include the school, church, and the Vet's Home. I am so grateful that Fr. Frank has been to my house twice, so far, to give me communion. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have that much, at least, to look forward to.

The bottom line? I'm really not fine...but I'm doing as well as I can. Blessings!

Post Surgery Pathology Report

I wasn't 100% certain that basically electing to have the left breast removed was a good idea...until today when I received the post-surgery pathology report. According to my surgeon, the left breast had/was full of invasive ductal carcinoma in situ. In other words, the left breast was also full of cancer; just not as active as that in the right. It would have only been a matter of time before I would have had to have the second mastectomy. In addition, 37 out of 38 biopsied lymph nodes tested positive for cancer, and in another spot, 8 out of 9 tested positive. My cancer has been staged at IIIA or IIIB, both of which are curable.

I definitely over-did things yesterday, getting up at 5:00 a.m. and not going to sleep until after midnight. I was very tired, and very sore today. I ended up taking 4 pain pills, and 4 extra strength tylenol (total of 2000 mg) in order to get any relief. I also took a nap for about 3 hours, and later on dozed on the couch. I did take a bath and wash my hair, and wore real clothes (not jammies) for the first time since I had surgery. My choice of clothing is actually very comforting for a number of reasons. Firstly, the capris I am wearing are a bit large, but were too tight when I bought them four years ago. Second, I chose to wear a cardian inside-out so that I could just slip the drains inside the pockets. They're much more secure that way, they're off to the sides a bit, and I don't feel so misshapen while wearing it. The best thing about the cardigan? It used to belong to my Grandma Woelfel who passed away a few years ago. Way back when, and on this blog, I made a post about this particular sweater, and how whenever I wore it, I would be getting one of my grandma's amazing hugs. I love you, Grandma! Thank you for the hugs :-) Blessings!

I'm Home and Recovering

So, I had surgery on Monday, August 31; one radical mastectomy and 1 simple mastectomy. I don't remember anything about Monday, or Tuesday, really, except that I had to walk a little bit and Fr. Frank stopped by to see me. Wednesday a.m. I asked when I could go home. A few minutes later I was told I could leave that day so I called David and told him to come and pick me up. Since then, I've been mostly resting. David, bless his heart, has been tending to all of my needs...pain pills (the number of pills he gives me is based on how great the pain is), my anti anxiety and anti depressents, and my drains. The drains are a pita; two tubes coming out of each surical site, ending in what appear to be clear blood pressure bulb type thingies. He charts everything, and I'm sure the surgon, when we see him on the 14th will be glad for that. There are things I want to say, but I'm just too tired. I will leave it at that. Blessings!