Went to bed late last night, hoping to sleep and was able to get a good 5 or 6 hours of rest before the puppy woke me up. Good deal. The first thing I did was went online to check to see if I'd received any messages from a new friend, a cancer survivor, who has kindly volunteered to be a "go to" person for support. I had sent her a message in which I asked her how much weight I should give to the radiologist's conclusions. She said that radiologists are not allowed to give diagnoses, but that they've seen so much, and know so much, that I should prepare for the worst. So, that's what I am going to do.
Because it appears that the word is out, I've been trying to contact my closest people to make sure that they hear it from me, and not second hand. So far, I've talked to my mom and my brother Doug; haven't been able to reach Mike, yet. I sent emails to my step-son, Alice, my best friends, and most of David's siblings. I've also contacted a few friends through facebook.
Aside from the headache, I'm feeling okay today, I guess. There's some discomfort from the steri-strips that they used to close up the hole (holes?) from the biopsies, but that's to be expected. There's also some bruising, again to be expected. I really need to get a new bra. I have one, and the danged puppy decided it would make a good chew toy so...one strap is being held together by a wish and a prayer, the other is in-expertly sewn by me, and there's a hole in one side. Yay. Ben just left for church, and I've decided that I'm going to go with my mom down at the Vet's Home at 10:00. I'm trying to think of "normal" things that need doing today...taking care of the animals, going to the grocery store etc. I really need to finish cleaning out my cupboards, too. I'm also sure that I'll sleep...just because I still have 2 days to wait until I hear anything for sure. I'm an American, dang it! I want instant gratification :-)
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Day 1.999
Okay, so it's not quite time to post Day 2, yet. That's why this one is called Day 1.999. I'm sitting here trying to determine whether or not I'm tired; probably not. Deciding whether or not I should try to get some sleep; probably, but probably won't be able to.
I did to go see the play that Becca was in tonight. Prairie Fire Theater's Snow White. Becca was one of the spell casters; she was one of the evil queen's evil fairies/sorcerers. It was the spell casters that put the kybosh on Snow White. It was a very well-put together and acted production, especially given the fact that auditions were on Monday, and the first show was last night...4 days later. I'm so proud of Becca! :-)
I'm still trying not to get ahead of myself (put the cart before the horse etc.), but I know this: Radiologists are highly trained and qualified in what they do. Radiologists...maybe especially the one they had at St. Luke's Breast Center...know their stuff and are, therefore, qualified to make diagnoses. I don't want to think about it, but it's kind of hard not to. Okay, it's impossible not to think about it.
I'm trying to remember, now, if I ate today. I think I did? Yes. I had a hot dog. I think I also did some cleaning, visited the rabbits; Thumper wanted cuddles again (she's such a sweetie!). No pithy comment to end this post, so I'll just leave it at that.
I did to go see the play that Becca was in tonight. Prairie Fire Theater's Snow White. Becca was one of the spell casters; she was one of the evil queen's evil fairies/sorcerers. It was the spell casters that put the kybosh on Snow White. It was a very well-put together and acted production, especially given the fact that auditions were on Monday, and the first show was last night...4 days later. I'm so proud of Becca! :-)
I'm still trying not to get ahead of myself (put the cart before the horse etc.), but I know this: Radiologists are highly trained and qualified in what they do. Radiologists...maybe especially the one they had at St. Luke's Breast Center...know their stuff and are, therefore, qualified to make diagnoses. I don't want to think about it, but it's kind of hard not to. Okay, it's impossible not to think about it.
I'm trying to remember, now, if I ate today. I think I did? Yes. I had a hot dog. I think I also did some cleaning, visited the rabbits; Thumper wanted cuddles again (she's such a sweetie!). No pithy comment to end this post, so I'll just leave it at that.
Day 1
Today is Saturday, August 8. I'm calling this Day 1 because it's the first day after I had my mamogram, ultrasound, and biopsies at St. Luke's Breast Center. I had heard horror stories about mamograms; untrue. It was a piece of cake. Okay, I have "spoon chest" which made things a little bit tricky, but success was eventually achieved. I got to wear a pretty dark pink smock type thing, and not the usual icky floral-patterned white hospital gown. Two views of one side, three views of the other side, the one with the mass; all done. Maybe not. A few minutes later, I was called back in for seven more views of the side that doesn't have the mass. Odd. Following a short wait, I was taken back for ultrasound and biopsy. I felt kind of bad for all the people working on me because it was Friday, and late in the afternoon. I'm sure they would all have liked to have gone home. So would I.
I didn't get to watch the ultrasound because I was propped facing the opposite direction from the screen. Oh, well. The ultrasound people were very nice; one was a trainee, I think. It was pretty funny, I thought, to sign release/consent forms while lying down and at an approximate 45 degree angle, previously in the dark, then with the bright light turned on so that I could see what I was signing. I just went along with everything; whatever.
A short while later, the radiologist came in to do the biopsies. He introduced himself, and I opened my eyes long enough to get a vague impression of a man who looked to be in his mid to late 50's, gray and wavey hair and maybe a beard, but I'm not sure. As I said, it was a vague impression and obviously, I wasn't terribly excited to see what he was going to do. I believe there was an application of betadine, and then some sort of topical anesthetic. After a while, there was an injection of a local anesthetic. I don't know how much time passed; I wasn't paying attention. I remember hearing the radiologist say that we were going to begin. I started deep breathing. The first one wasn't bad at all. I felt pressure and some burning, and heard the sound of the needle aspirator (10 gauge needle...not small). The second biopsy...that hurt! Much more pressure, far more burning. It felt like a knife being slowly inserted, millimeter by millimeter. I asked them to please tell me that we were all done. No such luck. The third, and final biopsy wasn't bad at all. I asked the radiologist if he could tell; what was his best opinion on whether it was benign or malignant, and he said he thinks it's cancer. I'll believe it when I hear it from my PA (Physician's Assistant). The ultrasound tech inserted some sort of a clip; can't remember exactly why. I think it was to mark the mass for future reference. (As if they couldn't see exactly where it was? It's bigger than a lime, for pete's sake! *smile*) After that, lights up, and I was free to go...almost. One more mamogram for whatever reason. I was giggling; hysterical laughter, perhaps (hysterical giggles). They had me sit down and then brought in "the throne." The biggest chair on wheels I've ever seen. It looked like a luxury dentist's chair. Mamogram completed, and this time, I really was free to go. We should have the results around Tuesday, August 11..Day 4 and my brother's 50th birthday. Hopefully it will be good news. If not, well...we'll just cross that bridge if we have to, eh?.
I didn't get to watch the ultrasound because I was propped facing the opposite direction from the screen. Oh, well. The ultrasound people were very nice; one was a trainee, I think. It was pretty funny, I thought, to sign release/consent forms while lying down and at an approximate 45 degree angle, previously in the dark, then with the bright light turned on so that I could see what I was signing. I just went along with everything; whatever.
A short while later, the radiologist came in to do the biopsies. He introduced himself, and I opened my eyes long enough to get a vague impression of a man who looked to be in his mid to late 50's, gray and wavey hair and maybe a beard, but I'm not sure. As I said, it was a vague impression and obviously, I wasn't terribly excited to see what he was going to do. I believe there was an application of betadine, and then some sort of topical anesthetic. After a while, there was an injection of a local anesthetic. I don't know how much time passed; I wasn't paying attention. I remember hearing the radiologist say that we were going to begin. I started deep breathing. The first one wasn't bad at all. I felt pressure and some burning, and heard the sound of the needle aspirator (10 gauge needle...not small). The second biopsy...that hurt! Much more pressure, far more burning. It felt like a knife being slowly inserted, millimeter by millimeter. I asked them to please tell me that we were all done. No such luck. The third, and final biopsy wasn't bad at all. I asked the radiologist if he could tell; what was his best opinion on whether it was benign or malignant, and he said he thinks it's cancer. I'll believe it when I hear it from my PA (Physician's Assistant). The ultrasound tech inserted some sort of a clip; can't remember exactly why. I think it was to mark the mass for future reference. (As if they couldn't see exactly where it was? It's bigger than a lime, for pete's sake! *smile*) After that, lights up, and I was free to go...almost. One more mamogram for whatever reason. I was giggling; hysterical laughter, perhaps (hysterical giggles). They had me sit down and then brought in "the throne." The biggest chair on wheels I've ever seen. It looked like a luxury dentist's chair. Mamogram completed, and this time, I really was free to go. We should have the results around Tuesday, August 11..Day 4 and my brother's 50th birthday. Hopefully it will be good news. If not, well...we'll just cross that bridge if we have to, eh?.
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